Ya never know what will be tossed into your lap...either cake or the dishes it was made with
If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck and sounds like a duck....GET THE GRILL READY!
MORE RANDELISMS!
There once was a man from Nantucket. His brain so small the worms couldn’t suck it, he said with a grin as drool dripped from his chin...wait...he can’t talk, his brain is too small...
As I sit here I wonder about what the world is meant to be. Then I realize that the world is as you make it. So dimmit! Why aren’t there nekid women running around dripping in dark chocolate singing Gordon Lightfoot songs and pouring Crown Royal from chocolate drums setting on chocolate pedestals surrounded by chocolate fences!!
Today I thought I was sure about things. I was wrong. Now I am sure I was thinking. But I think I am wrong. Now I am not so sure about thinking but I know that I am thinking I thought, and thought I was sure but not so sure I thought right but I know I am sure I had at least pooped today
I don’t really know what happened between the spider and the fly but I think I am finding out the flies side!
Give Give Give. Give until your guts turn into mushy ice cream and goo. Then if nothing is given back give a lil more. Sooner or later you will get back or take one stinking dump!
If at first you don’t succeed, get a hammer and smash the piss out of it and start all over.
If at first you don’t succeed, ask everyone you know, you just might hear THEIR version of the story.
If at first you don’t succeed, make a new screen name like all the other pathetic losers and scope out the rooms.
The theory says that for every action there is an equal reaction. I think that’s wrong. For every action there is hell to pay!
If at the time of your arrival and you feel something isn’t right...your wanker is prolly hanging out
Breaking up is hard to do they say but they haven’t filled out daily reports for DOT
If you have to do something make damn freaking sure you are doing it for the right reasons and that you can handle the end results because if not then you are going to be peeing green for weeks.
There is a fine line between making a good decision and making a bad decision and that fine line is information! Without it you are pissing up a rope!
If there is doubt then there are questions that aren’t being answered or asked. It goes both ways.
If at first you don't succeed smoke a cigarette, open a sprite and turn on Big Brother.
Being able to voice your heart is the most important thing you have that no one can take away from you. You can only lose it if you don't use it. If you don't use it then it will get stuck on neutral and then all you have is a sinking feeling in your heart.
Everything has it's reason and every reason has it's point. If the point is sharp enough you could poke an eye out. BE CAREFUL!
The greatest distance between two people can be measured by the choices they make
Every other day I have the feeling that someone is watching me. Then I realized that I only shave every other day!
My biggest fear is being made a fool of. I say that because it's MY job to make a fool of myself!
I once knew a man that had a great thing going, then that great thing went, now the man is confused as to why, until he saw that it never left, he just got used to it being there and just overlooked it so much he forgot it was there.
If you can't seem to get ahead in life remember that you’re the one responsible of your choices, if you don't like the choices you made then maybe you shouldn’t be allowed to play with sharp objects.
Remember, people are human
(this one isn’t mine but I like it) Don’t sweat the small stuff and always remember, it's all small stuff
Life is full of bumps, pot holes and dead lizards. Learn how to deal with the dead lizards and the rest is a piece of cake!
People are like flowers. Piss on em enough and sooner or later they will wilt.
The infinite balance of deciding whether you are going to go left or right in the matters of life decisions is wholly affected by the influences of the world around you and held steady by the people that inhabit your circle of those that matter to you. Other than yourself they have to understand how much of a part they play and that their selfishness can create a confusing arena of leading advice and self serving information or lack thereof. In other words...know who is and isn’t aware of their own needs and go from there.
Wondering why people do things is something that is a waste of time. Sometimes you should just say to heck with it and forget about what they are doing and worry about what YOU are doing.
Sometimes, I think, that I have a problem that I cannot leave behind me. When there are secrets that hurt. When there are hidden truths that inflict. I find them out. I don’t seek them. I don’t search for them. I stumble on them. I am handed them on my lap.
It is something that I really don’t want. Being in the dark sometimes is better. But I never will because it's the truths or secrets that harm are the ones that I will always find out. Whether I want to or not.
Have you ever lost something? Something you thought was not important. Maybe even something you didn’t even realize you were going to miss until one day it was gone and you realized YOU threw it away? Then when you went to look for it and come to find that it's gone and it suddenly leaves an empty spot you didn’t know you would have?
Passing up chances, passing up opportunities. It's like passing up that last gas station in the desert thinking it's ok, there will be another one. Then you hear the engine pinging because you are out of gas. Then it's too late.
If you know there is something you have to do...do it. Even if you THINK it's against your silly foolish pride. Or against your ideals of what you THINK is what is best. If you love someone don’t hide it because that last gas station you JUST passed up? Was that the last one or the second to last one....do you remember? Can you take that chance?
Sometimes it feels like saying good bye to a friend. Sometimes it feels like telling a loved one good bye for the last time. And sometimes it is.
It's like watching something you love fading away and there is nothing you can do about it. I do know one thing. Saying good bye to it is hard. So very hard. You see it go a little bit at a time. When it is gone you can do nothing but sit and wonder why.
Now that it is all but gone, there is nothing left, all you can do is shake your head and wonder why.
So what does it mean. Part time friend? What does it mean? Full time friend?
Well here is my definition. Part time friend is someone that you talk to when you need entertainment. Or a few seconds to kill and nothing else seems to fit the bill. Some one that you keep private from. Some one that you don’t respond to until you feel like it. Or are alone and want to "chat" with someone. Never "talk" to but chat. Talking means the possibility of being serious or involving yourself in communication and that’s a no no with part time friends!
Full time friends are people you talk to at least a few mins a day. at least 5 mins! You like to TALK to them. You share a part of yourself with them. You never hide yourself from them. You always respond to them and you always answer emails, txts etc. You never leave them out in the wind.
That’s just the short and sweet of my ideas of friends......maybe I am wrong.....
Randellisms:
(this one is someone else’s but thought it was so profound that I had to share it!) I heard this a long time ago: There was a farmer that had a mule. That mule wasn’t good for much and the farmer didn’t get any bids at auction for it. The farmer dug a big hole and pushed the mule into it. As the farmer started throwing dirt down onto the mule to bury it the mule would shrug off the dirt from its back. Slowly the hole began to fill up and the mule kept shrugging off the dirt from its back and step up on the pile as it built up. Eventually all the mule had to do was step out of the hole and walk back over to the hay bale it had been eating on before and life was beautiful again.
The moral to that story? When people keep throwing crap on you, shrug it off. After a while they will be worn out and you can just walk away none the worse for wear.
When I am poked with a stick, I get a splinter. I take it out. Then get poked again. After a while I have enough to make a 2X4. Stick me enough and I can build a house! (yeah, it adds up...lol)
I have discovered that people can be as cold as an ice box...hence...I like it when they hold my drink!
Showing affection, caring, love and compassion. Worry, sorrow and hurt. They are cheap ways to let people know that they are important to you and are tax free!
If you have something you have to say then say it. If you don’t...say it anyways...it might be important!
As easy as it is to forget someone or to dismiss someone, its equally as easy to be forgotten or dismissed. Don’t miss an opportunity to tell someone that they are on your mind in any way you can. Even if it's just as simple as saying, "Hi, doing well, hope you are too."
Saying I love you has become too easy. Too simple. Too much of a programmed response. They don’t mean it. Not really. What I hear is, you said it so I will say it. What I really want to hear is, "Yes, I know. And I want you to know that I love you too." And when I say thank you for loving me I mean it. Because if I believe someone loves me that is a powerful thing. Kind a like farting in a crowded room after having cabbage and sausages with some bean dip and onions.
Being considerate to other people, especially those that you say I love you too, isn’t going to cost you a thing. Taking them for granted that they will always be there for you no matter how you treat them...that will cost you those that you say I love you to. WHAT A BARGAIN!
If you have one bird in the hand and 2 in the bush, what do you have? One very crowded bush.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!...wait...what comes after one?
Someone once asked me what makes me happy. I had told them that making other people happy makes me happy. Today..what makes me happy is making myself happy. Looks like I growed up huh?
Reaching out to someone is easier than going poop, less stressful, less messy and doesn’t stick.
I don’t need people around me to be happy, I just need happy people.
If at first you don't succeed, go poop and try again.
In the world of love and the internet, bandwidth is all that is keeping you from a break down.
Between a diamond and a rock...I wanna be the rock. Diamonds are too hard to shape and shatter if you slip up just once. A rock forgives mistakes, will shape easier and after a bit of polishing it looks great! So what if OTHERS think the diamond is more valuable...YOU made the rock beautiful...not some dipstick with thick glasses in a dark office and a Belgian accent. And it's your rock. Rocks are free.
If by chance you come across that special someone and they show you what life is supposed to be like appreciate them. If you decide that you only want them around for the entertainment value then you are losing the point. If you want to be entertained...go to the circus.
When someone is there for you 100% of the time, you are there 50% of the time, there is still a 50% deficit. Looks you are in debt.
When you poke a sleeping lion be ready to be pooped on.
Email is free, cheapest way on the planet for letting someone know you are thinking of them.
Thinking of someone you care about doesn’t hurt.
When you think you have someone figured out, try again..your usually wrong.
Las Vegas is the quiezenart of humanity.
On the internet, you are introduced to a individuals personality. In real life you are introduced to that persons face.
Hiding is a type of security. You don’t have to face anything or anyone. You don’t have to deal with things and you don’t have to accept anything.
If my drinking buddies, friends or whatever gave me dirty looks for talking to the love of my life knowing what the given circumstances were...then they aren’t my friends. They are just drinking buddies...and drinking buddies are a dime a dozen.
Sometimes I have discovered...the people that you don’t MAKE time for are the people you SHOULD make time for
The best part of loosing something is finding the beautiful people that were there for you from the start. The worst part is knowing they had always been there and you forgot about them.
1 June 2008 And another thing...lol
Don't poke a stick at the sleeping lion.
28 May 2008 lol I am just feeling loopy and excited and a lil hyper..
Well pretty much all day but right now I am tired. Used up all that energy. Anywho. Was tanning today. Felt great but was feeling like I was roasting! Man o MAN! Got some good info today. Starting on the road to the north for work but it's still in the process. Got the nod and everything but working on better routes. Some are close than others but whatever gets me what I am looking for.
Anywho..ditto.
Oh yeah, found out that when ya pop the battery off a sidekick phone all yer txt messages go by by! (yeah James I think you told me that once but DUH I didn’t realize it meant ALL...thought it was just the old ones in the trash!)
25 May 2008 WOW what a week! well, more than a week...but you get the point...I hope!
Ok, had a very dear and close friend get sick and ended up having surgery. Scared me bad. Made me remember what I felt when I lost my dad. NEVER EVER let things go unsaid cause NEVER freakin know when their time comes and you are standing there wishing you had 5 more minutes. Don’t forget to say I love you when you part even if you are mad at them. Don’t miss a chance to hold them, hug them, love them no matter what. The other thing that came into play with all that was this. Don’t over estimate or underestimate your love. Or theirs. It sucks and can make you crazy. Know where you stand. Let them know where they stand in the grand scheme of your life. I know that hardly anyone reads my profile but at least I know I am putting it out there. Love and let yourself be loved. It’s that simple. Live it. Know it. Love it. There is no redo. get it right the first time or do your damnedest to show that you tried!
10 May 2008 Not exactly sure but it feels like things are just getting crazy again.
I know there are things that have happened because of things I have done or haven’t done. That’s just life in action. But sometimes it feels as if some things happening because I am not aware enough or smart enough to see it coming. So I am an idiot. Again.... Maybe someday I will be able to just learn to stop trying and start being. Then I can say that I did what I was meant to do and it was either none of my business or that’s how it was meant to be. I am trying though. I am doing my damned best to be right and do the right things. Doesn’t always happen or work out but I do try. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s going on and sometimes I know too much. Right now I am stuck in the middle of those too. Right now I know what I know and that’s going to be enough for now. Will deal with the details later and hope that I find out anything I really need to know in time or praying I don’t find out about something’s that may be better not knowing.
Confused? Welcome to my world....
5 May 2008 Feeling a little short tempered and a little impatient.
Ok so I have been bouncing around for the company the last few days. Then I come back up to Orlando and then they tell me there is nothing for me here either for a whole week. There are so many things I can put up with and this isn’t one of them. There are also some other things happening but they are being dealt with. A little at a time. A step at a time. Although I am not where I expected to be at this time in my life but I am happy as hell that I am not where I used to be in my life not too long ago. Although I have certain feelings and reservations about my future I am still going to go at it full steam ahead and make those choices no matter what because I am confident that I will be paid in full in the end.
23 April 2008 It isn’t what it seems.
I changed a lot of my interests and stuff. I will change it again. I am not angry at anyone. I am just in a mood and this is all a result. Actually I feel very at peace. Don’t ask. The bubble maker knows my mind so no explanation required. Actually if I wasn’t so tired I would be writing in my book.
22 April 2008 Uhhh, wha?
Ok so I am a dork. I was unloading the truck and had my hands full. My favorite biggest coffee mug was on top of the laptop and when I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of my hotel room it got scared and LEPT from the top and tried to jump into the waiting safety of the hotel room and the carpeting. It didn’t make it. The services to honor it will be held tomorrow at 600am. Bring cream' Brule' coffee and any condiments you require.
Worked late last night. Got home around 900pm is. This morning I felt it. I walled on slopes and hills most of the day. Chasing contractors and their silly ideas of what is required of them. So they are going to do what is written on the contract. Isn’t that what they were supposed to do in the first place? I thought so!
19 April 2008 You did what? Again?
You never know what is hiding in the shadows. You never know what is sneaking around the corner. Just follow your heart and it will take you on an adventure or disaster but maybe it’s the ride and not the destination. Either way you win because at that point you can say. I tried it. I did it. And even thought you may have a shattered heart at the end or you may have a life of happiness...you gained the experience. And if the disaster was avoidable and you still went on it was because you saw that you at least had a chance. You didn’t want to have to think about what COULD have been. You just have to bite the bullet and go for it. All or nothing. Make it or break it and damn the results!
16 April 2008 Sometimes you can say something simple and really be so misunderstood that it makes a good thing feel bad.
Well I know that I am not perfect. I know that sometimes you can do something that is so misunderstood that someone can become angry. Sometime you can be misunderstood in a good way. But all I know is that communication is the key to making sure that it is made clear. If there is no communication then you are looking at trouble and that can only lead down a road that is dark and painful. Yeah, it can happen. Yeah it has happened. Yeah, it will happen again. Humans aren’t perfect. They never are and they never will be. But the best you can do is treat people as good as you can. Make sure they know that you are understood later. That you know how they feel and hope they know how you feel. And maybe, if you are lucky, it can come around and make you stronger.
6 April 2008 A day of thought can mess up your whole weekend.
At times there are people that surprise me. They sneak up and bite yer ass so hard with a load of BS that you can only stand there and blink. They come at you with a smile armed with the eyes of a friend and the intentions of a fucker. Making nicey nice until you aren’t looking. But for the most part I don’t let them know that I see them as the silliest pricks in the country. Let them see me smile back and banter to and fro. The whole time watching them drag you down in front of others but as soon as you step into the light they are all smiles again. Guess the joke is on them because in the long run...I could care less what they do and what they say. Because when people know that they have never been done wrong by or lied to or done anything but helped, talked to because they were crying and no one else would listen....they will still be a friend or not put you down with honesty but out of self preservation and I don’t worry about what people hear or see but what I know they know. And that they are thinking about how nice I have been to them just by asking if they are ok and meaning it.
Then sometimes people walk up and lay it all out how they are so happy that they can say they know me simply because they were in need of a friend and someone that wasn’t judgmental. And all it took was to just listen to them and if asked for give an honest observation or shown a different way to look at things.
In the world of the internet it can be summed up by saying that people fall into a few categories. One is those that come here to unwind. That’s it. Others come here because they have no other social circle. Others come here because they thrive on the drama. Others come here just to wreak havoc, hate and discontent because they are so unhappy that they can’t stand to see others be happy. Then there are the just plain haters. Out to make a mess of anything they can. Making sure that they lure people into their circle and then get as much info as they can out of them. Then when it is convieniet they attack. Or if that person does something that is different than what they want you to do they use it.
I have enough flaws to fill a book of flaws. So does every human that walks the planet. But it's not my place to point them out and make you feel bad. Ever. If asked then different. But to just start going off on someone because your shoes were too tight. Your pants didn’t fit.....again. Or if it was that you didn’t get laid that week, or month. Your pain does not give you the right to cause other pain.
In a world full of war, hate crimes and just plain meanness there is a serious lack of deference. A lack of compassion and patience. I have a very very small circle of people that I call friends and they are the ones that show that quality list I have just said. Caring. Compassionate. Honest and patient. They would not lie to me intentionally or otherwise. They would not do anything intentionally to hurt me or by accident and if it was an accident then I know they would say so and could believe them. They would not be selfish and they would want to say hi at least once a day. If they couldn’t there is always a reason and it always an honest and good one. And they know that I would understand and know this. No harm and no foul. And they know that if I tell them that I understand, I do.
5 April 2008 Just a small thing to tell people I am thinking about them and letting them know that I care.
Something for the masses... New songs, new arrangements. New feelings and new adventures.
Since I had to lock down my blog I am going to be putting updates back in here. Stories and poems will be on the blog but only to those that I give access to. (see top for minor details) New job coming up. About time! A hold over until the real project starts though so it isn’t gonna be the season ender like I usually have.
I have been doing a lot of thinking. A lot of soul searching. I already knew I can't change how life is. Can't change people and can't change the cards I have been dealt. But I can change how I react to all of it. There was a time when I was closing up shop and moving my world elsewhere. A place in my corner of the universe that is away from all the back stabbing and the mean people and those that need drama to survive and give themselves some kind of validation. But to be in the middle of it all you have to take the bad with the good and ignore the haters, the game players and the fake people in your life. Deal with them with respect when you have to deal with them. Never let them know you are aware of just how fake they are or just how much they think they are playing you because sometimes it is just too much fun to see em squirm when they finally realize that they don’t have the control over you that they thought they did.
I will be out of the loop pretty much since I will be getting up early every morning to go to the job site unless I can find lodging there that isn’t $100 a night. With all the expenses I will incur while doing this job and the fact that the company doesn’t pay for them will mean that if I stayed in a hotel for the duration...might mean I would be making about the same as being on unemployment. Just have to see and weigh the pros with the cons.....
22 march 2008
Went fishing today. First place was a beach type place. Didn’t catch anything but I still had a great time. Did a lot of thinking too. As I sat there I noticed that there are just so many shells making up the bulk of the beach. Holding things together. Keeping the surf from crashing against the shore and wrecking it. The shells make it all better. They may go sometimes. But they come back. Different. The same. But they come back. Making the beach stay steady and everyone that go there happy.
The shells are so small and unassuming. So little, thin. But they have so much power. So much weight on their shoulders. Keeping the sand from washing away. Making everything seem right and as it should be. Binding it all together.
People in our lives are like that. Sometimes the smallest inconceivable person can have such a dramatic hold on your life. Making it all tie together.
And for those drama queens and kings out there...remember...when you go, how do you want people to think about you? Kindly acting hurt and weepy while the whole time cringing inside? Or do you want them to honestly hurt that you are gone because you were awesome to EVERYONE. Not just a select few?
Think about it...long and hard.
ummm, just decided to get rid of the poem. Wasn’t as good as what I thought it was going to be.
But I know that I will be working on it because I just can’t stop thinking about it...!
So I am going to be working again real soon. That’s great. The company that put all that money in me sends me to school. They are not happy. I won’t be working for them. They still haven’t given me any work for the year. Too bad for them.
Have been writing again. Not in the books but just plain ole poetry. Yeah yeah laugh if you want.....
I may post them here. Well at least if I get a request to. So, if ya want any poetry to read say the word and I’ll start posting it here.
Since this profile thing is growing like a book in and of itself I may open a page on AOL and post that kind of stuff there.
If any of you want to read other blogs I have just email me and I will let ya have my MySpace page but only if I know you. No weirdos or strangers! Wait...yer ALL weirdos! Ok no strangers!
Lost connection last night. Then the computer was crashing more than a broke down derby car. Obviously I got it back on now and running. STILL haven’t gotten the other computer up. This one needs an overhaul bad! The other one needs to be thrown into a vat of boiling oil and then peed on.
Anyhow am back up kind of but don’t know for how long.
Hope ya'll had a great weekend.
Ok, I am putting pics back up
And for those that are shallow and most unknowing about what the F**K they are talking about. Maybe someday, yes, some day, you will get a life.
And yes you know who I am talking too. But to the person that knows me the best, thank you, you made me smile today and now I understand how I have been acting and I am sorry.
And you’re still a brat!
Today I have had my first class of the week. So far so good. Covering stuff I know back words and forewords. Maybe half way through and it'll get hard. But I am still thinking I can get that 85% as a minimum. Doesn’t matter about higher but I will still try my best to do my best. Just because that’s the way I am. Do it as best you can or don’t do it at all.Ok, going to eat. Will leave those pics up for 2 more days then they come down. CIAO!!!!!!!!
I am back from the trip. The services were pretty good. More for the living than the dead. Went to see my mom. I think my heart was ripped out every time I saw her. Today was the worst. Tore me apart leaving her. I know she was lucid enough to know that I and my sister were there. We made out peace with her knowing that....what it will mean the next time we are there to see her unless we can somehow make it back across the country to see her before.It sucks seeing the strongest people you ever knew become what they have become. Things that they taught us in one way or the other will always remind us of who they were and what their spirit always will be.I am going to make a memorial for him soon. Mom when it's her turn. She may not be able to say it but you can see that she misses the man that she spent the last 40 plus years living with.
We left her with peaceful thoughts though because after we spoke with her she was restful and relaxed. Like she knew that she was loved in the deepest way. Was funny last night though. Asked her a few times if she wanted anything. She would work out a no sometimes. Then I asked if she wanted a beer. She had never touched a lick of alcohol in her life except in cough medicine. She piped up and said YEAH! About laughed my heart out. Then I told her that if she could say my name I would run right out and get her one. Well she was quiet now and then. Doze off or just get lost in her own mind. Then she shocked my Ruth and I when she rolled over and said, "Well, you gonna get me a" and then she lapsed into the fog again. That was unexpected but wonderful at the same time. We told the nurse to see if they can put an order in for a beer. She was going to try. I want her to have something she never had before if that’s what she wanted. Anyhow it was terrible and wonderful at the same time. I so very much want to see her before it's her time. Maybe karma will be nice and let us have that chance. Ya never know.So, I get a call yesterday evening. Seems that my father died. That morning.
Guess I don’t rate a call until someone probably thinks, Oh yeah, guess we got to call him too huh?" That’s ok, I can handle all that. Wondering if they will remember to call when my mother dies. Hope I don’t get THAT call again for a long time.Anyhow I am dealing. So is my sister. She'll prolly freak when she hears I have this on my profile but so what. Such a great start to the New Year. So many things went wrong. SO many things are all Fad up. There are a few shining moments though so I guess that’s good huh?Anyhow I don’t know if I am going to write much in here for a while. A lot of things to worry about. Things to do. We will be flying out to Cali this next Tuesday..... Not going to like being around those people. But I have to be there for dad's memory. And to see mom again. Have to do that. Well I am back in Florida. WOO HOO! Well here is this. It was a long trip. I had a great time with my family and that’s something I like. My girls are great although they will be the death of me! I did a lot of driving and thinking. Thinking and driving. Lots of both. Alone and having to face myself all that time. I understand something’s better that way and right now I am a better person for it. I met some awesome people on the way. May never see or hear from them again but they were cool and had good things to say. I put a lil over 15,000 miles on the truck on this trip. That’s a lot of driving for a vacation to Nevada huh?Well in all those miles I learned that I still have a heart. I still have a lot of love to give. I also have a lot of feelings of hurt and fear but those just have to be dealt with in time. The whole reason I drove was to get over something that happened and I did. And I also came to grips with those things and have moved on. Yes there is still love there. That will never change. Once I fall in love I am in love and there is no going back. I learned that I also need to stay focused in my future. I was building a future based around someone else and that went to shit in a bucket in a day’s time. But the future I am going to focus on is one based on ME. On what I want. What will satisfy ME and make ME happy.
What happens after that and because of that is anyone’s guess. I want it to be a future of joy and happiness. I can make that happen for me. The void and emptiness of course has to be filled by another person. That’s the thing I want and I will have it even if I have to climb a damn mountain to get it...lolI also learned that drinking 3 or more pots of coffee doesn’t nothing but fill the stomach will coffee and the second that you drink water it all wants to come out again! I am happy again. I have people in my life I love dearly. I love them with all my being and I have family that I love too. I care for them all with every fiber in my being. They know who they are so I won’t name names. I tell them how I really feel happy with them in my life everyday so they know.I have posted some photos of the trip. Not many. I have a few stories to tell for those that are interested to know. I have many miles under my belt this year and it’s a great way to start!Ok, am on my way to the east coast! Am having a great drive.
I left Oregon at a great time as they got over 2 feet of snow the day after I left. WHEWWill be putting pics on line soon on the time I spent with my girls and the trip back. Hope ya’ll have been doing great without me!Well sometimes you can be let down in many ways. Sometimes you can hope for a tiny shred of something and get a HUGE piece of something beautiful. I got both. I have no regrets. I wouldn’t change it for the world. They have their reasons. Life can play some pretty crappy jokes on you but you have to remember that no matter what. No matter how deep the hole and how many people are throwing in dirt...Shrug it off until the hole is filled and then walk right on out...I will post some pics later when I get a better connection. This one is so dang slow it crawls like a dead slug in the summer on a sidewalk.
Ok, in fairness I will take that last part out. Maybe not LOST a friend. But something similar. Still feels like hell but nothing to be done. But they know that I am still here and still ready to lend a hand if needed.
Ok, so things are different now. I have plans. Going to be doing some things that are just for me. Of course some things are going to be kind of stupid but that’s a chance I have to take to make it through the next few years. No, don't ask. Besides, I may not sound like I am in my right mind if I told ya.Anyhow, just some things going on that I am not happy about. A sadness that won’t leave. Of course that’s something I personally have to deal with probably for the rest of my life but it's one of those things that if it doesn’t kill me it only makes me silly. Or something like that. Dunno...So, this profile is getting longer and longer. I add some every now and then. Only those that are interested will read it all. The rest are just picture looking. That’s ok too. Soon I will have some more of those coming in and you all can have a great big laugh at my expense.
Tonight was a very big learning experience. I have come to understand that people are who they are. What you perceive is something that you could never truly understand unless you have seen the other side of the leaf. But that doesn’t make you feel any different. Doesn’t make you see any clearer. And certainly it will give you a new page to a book that you thought you had finished.
Forgiving someone for hurting you is the first step in many. They are slow. They are painful and they are very difficult. Forgiving yourself should be harder but should pay big. Asking for forgiveness should be the one thing that makes your heart race and makes you feel like throwing up. Make your hands shake and make your head spin. Asking for forgiveness is the first step in admitting that you have done something to someone that made them feel just the same.Getting it should make you feel clean and right in only that you have taken your first step in getting back on the path you should have been on in the first place.When the world is at your thought and you have nowhere to turn to you feel lost. You feel alone and you feel afraid. You make mistakes. You fall down and you scuff your knee. You think of the things you must do and the things you have to do to survive.
The decisions you make may not be the right ones for you and others but at the moment of despair you made them. And have to live with them. And, after words, you look around and find that you had someone there to take your hands. Not carry you through it by themselves but to support you in times of unbalance. Hold you steady on your path and at times lift you up when you feel like you are sinking.If you have ever felt this way. Had this experience. Lived this or known someone that has remember. The first person to be forgotten about is the one that can help them the most at the worst possible moment in time.
Also know that what you say can and most likely be misunderstood. Or not heard. You may be misjudged and you may even be accused of trying to keep them off balance. But hold on. Stay the course. Even if they aren’t your friends, lover, partner, brother or sister after all is said or done you will be remembered later. Maybe not that day. Maybe not that year. But sometime. And they will whisper your name. To themselves. To their friends. To their children and they will smile as a tear creases theirs face.
That’s the pay off right there. That’s a lesson learned and a lesson passed on.If you have gotten this far on my profile I have to say you must like to read. This is meant to be about the person who owns the profile. But it's mine and I’ll do with it what I will.All those who know me know that I like to write. About feelings. Observations. Ideas. Life and the pursuit of things in it. This profile will either grow or shrink. Depends on my mood and if I want to erase anything on it.I might even post poems on here.
Or stuff from other blogs I have. Depends. But if you like what I do then come back often. If you want and I know you I can send you my MySpace URL and you can read stuff from there.
But that’s a maybe.
If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck and sounds like a duck....GET THE GRILL READY!
MORE RANDELISMS!
There once was a man from Nantucket. His brain so small the worms couldn’t suck it, he said with a grin as drool dripped from his chin...wait...he can’t talk, his brain is too small...
As I sit here I wonder about what the world is meant to be. Then I realize that the world is as you make it. So dimmit! Why aren’t there nekid women running around dripping in dark chocolate singing Gordon Lightfoot songs and pouring Crown Royal from chocolate drums setting on chocolate pedestals surrounded by chocolate fences!!
Today I thought I was sure about things. I was wrong. Now I am sure I was thinking. But I think I am wrong. Now I am not so sure about thinking but I know that I am thinking I thought, and thought I was sure but not so sure I thought right but I know I am sure I had at least pooped today
I don’t really know what happened between the spider and the fly but I think I am finding out the flies side!
Give Give Give. Give until your guts turn into mushy ice cream and goo. Then if nothing is given back give a lil more. Sooner or later you will get back or take one stinking dump!
If at first you don’t succeed, get a hammer and smash the piss out of it and start all over.
If at first you don’t succeed, ask everyone you know, you just might hear THEIR version of the story.
If at first you don’t succeed, make a new screen name like all the other pathetic losers and scope out the rooms.
The theory says that for every action there is an equal reaction. I think that’s wrong. For every action there is hell to pay!
If at the time of your arrival and you feel something isn’t right...your wanker is prolly hanging out
Breaking up is hard to do they say but they haven’t filled out daily reports for DOT
If you have to do something make damn freaking sure you are doing it for the right reasons and that you can handle the end results because if not then you are going to be peeing green for weeks.
There is a fine line between making a good decision and making a bad decision and that fine line is information! Without it you are pissing up a rope!
If there is doubt then there are questions that aren’t being answered or asked. It goes both ways.
If at first you don't succeed smoke a cigarette, open a sprite and turn on Big Brother.
Being able to voice your heart is the most important thing you have that no one can take away from you. You can only lose it if you don't use it. If you don't use it then it will get stuck on neutral and then all you have is a sinking feeling in your heart.
Everything has it's reason and every reason has it's point. If the point is sharp enough you could poke an eye out. BE CAREFUL!
The greatest distance between two people can be measured by the choices they make
Every other day I have the feeling that someone is watching me. Then I realized that I only shave every other day!
My biggest fear is being made a fool of. I say that because it's MY job to make a fool of myself!
I once knew a man that had a great thing going, then that great thing went, now the man is confused as to why, until he saw that it never left, he just got used to it being there and just overlooked it so much he forgot it was there.
If you can't seem to get ahead in life remember that you’re the one responsible of your choices, if you don't like the choices you made then maybe you shouldn’t be allowed to play with sharp objects.
Remember, people are human
(this one isn’t mine but I like it) Don’t sweat the small stuff and always remember, it's all small stuff
Life is full of bumps, pot holes and dead lizards. Learn how to deal with the dead lizards and the rest is a piece of cake!
People are like flowers. Piss on em enough and sooner or later they will wilt.
The infinite balance of deciding whether you are going to go left or right in the matters of life decisions is wholly affected by the influences of the world around you and held steady by the people that inhabit your circle of those that matter to you. Other than yourself they have to understand how much of a part they play and that their selfishness can create a confusing arena of leading advice and self serving information or lack thereof. In other words...know who is and isn’t aware of their own needs and go from there.
Wondering why people do things is something that is a waste of time. Sometimes you should just say to heck with it and forget about what they are doing and worry about what YOU are doing.
Sometimes, I think, that I have a problem that I cannot leave behind me. When there are secrets that hurt. When there are hidden truths that inflict. I find them out. I don’t seek them. I don’t search for them. I stumble on them. I am handed them on my lap.
It is something that I really don’t want. Being in the dark sometimes is better. But I never will because it's the truths or secrets that harm are the ones that I will always find out. Whether I want to or not.
Have you ever lost something? Something you thought was not important. Maybe even something you didn’t even realize you were going to miss until one day it was gone and you realized YOU threw it away? Then when you went to look for it and come to find that it's gone and it suddenly leaves an empty spot you didn’t know you would have?
Passing up chances, passing up opportunities. It's like passing up that last gas station in the desert thinking it's ok, there will be another one. Then you hear the engine pinging because you are out of gas. Then it's too late.
If you know there is something you have to do...do it. Even if you THINK it's against your silly foolish pride. Or against your ideals of what you THINK is what is best. If you love someone don’t hide it because that last gas station you JUST passed up? Was that the last one or the second to last one....do you remember? Can you take that chance?
Sometimes it feels like saying good bye to a friend. Sometimes it feels like telling a loved one good bye for the last time. And sometimes it is.
It's like watching something you love fading away and there is nothing you can do about it. I do know one thing. Saying good bye to it is hard. So very hard. You see it go a little bit at a time. When it is gone you can do nothing but sit and wonder why.
Now that it is all but gone, there is nothing left, all you can do is shake your head and wonder why.
So what does it mean. Part time friend? What does it mean? Full time friend?
Well here is my definition. Part time friend is someone that you talk to when you need entertainment. Or a few seconds to kill and nothing else seems to fit the bill. Some one that you keep private from. Some one that you don’t respond to until you feel like it. Or are alone and want to "chat" with someone. Never "talk" to but chat. Talking means the possibility of being serious or involving yourself in communication and that’s a no no with part time friends!
Full time friends are people you talk to at least a few mins a day. at least 5 mins! You like to TALK to them. You share a part of yourself with them. You never hide yourself from them. You always respond to them and you always answer emails, txts etc. You never leave them out in the wind.
That’s just the short and sweet of my ideas of friends......maybe I am wrong.....
Randellisms:
(this one is someone else’s but thought it was so profound that I had to share it!) I heard this a long time ago: There was a farmer that had a mule. That mule wasn’t good for much and the farmer didn’t get any bids at auction for it. The farmer dug a big hole and pushed the mule into it. As the farmer started throwing dirt down onto the mule to bury it the mule would shrug off the dirt from its back. Slowly the hole began to fill up and the mule kept shrugging off the dirt from its back and step up on the pile as it built up. Eventually all the mule had to do was step out of the hole and walk back over to the hay bale it had been eating on before and life was beautiful again.
The moral to that story? When people keep throwing crap on you, shrug it off. After a while they will be worn out and you can just walk away none the worse for wear.
When I am poked with a stick, I get a splinter. I take it out. Then get poked again. After a while I have enough to make a 2X4. Stick me enough and I can build a house! (yeah, it adds up...lol)
I have discovered that people can be as cold as an ice box...hence...I like it when they hold my drink!
Showing affection, caring, love and compassion. Worry, sorrow and hurt. They are cheap ways to let people know that they are important to you and are tax free!
If you have something you have to say then say it. If you don’t...say it anyways...it might be important!
As easy as it is to forget someone or to dismiss someone, its equally as easy to be forgotten or dismissed. Don’t miss an opportunity to tell someone that they are on your mind in any way you can. Even if it's just as simple as saying, "Hi, doing well, hope you are too."
Saying I love you has become too easy. Too simple. Too much of a programmed response. They don’t mean it. Not really. What I hear is, you said it so I will say it. What I really want to hear is, "Yes, I know. And I want you to know that I love you too." And when I say thank you for loving me I mean it. Because if I believe someone loves me that is a powerful thing. Kind a like farting in a crowded room after having cabbage and sausages with some bean dip and onions.
Being considerate to other people, especially those that you say I love you too, isn’t going to cost you a thing. Taking them for granted that they will always be there for you no matter how you treat them...that will cost you those that you say I love you to. WHAT A BARGAIN!
If you have one bird in the hand and 2 in the bush, what do you have? One very crowded bush.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!...wait...what comes after one?
Someone once asked me what makes me happy. I had told them that making other people happy makes me happy. Today..what makes me happy is making myself happy. Looks like I growed up huh?
Reaching out to someone is easier than going poop, less stressful, less messy and doesn’t stick.
I don’t need people around me to be happy, I just need happy people.
If at first you don't succeed, go poop and try again.
In the world of love and the internet, bandwidth is all that is keeping you from a break down.
Between a diamond and a rock...I wanna be the rock. Diamonds are too hard to shape and shatter if you slip up just once. A rock forgives mistakes, will shape easier and after a bit of polishing it looks great! So what if OTHERS think the diamond is more valuable...YOU made the rock beautiful...not some dipstick with thick glasses in a dark office and a Belgian accent. And it's your rock. Rocks are free.
If by chance you come across that special someone and they show you what life is supposed to be like appreciate them. If you decide that you only want them around for the entertainment value then you are losing the point. If you want to be entertained...go to the circus.
When someone is there for you 100% of the time, you are there 50% of the time, there is still a 50% deficit. Looks you are in debt.
When you poke a sleeping lion be ready to be pooped on.
Email is free, cheapest way on the planet for letting someone know you are thinking of them.
Thinking of someone you care about doesn’t hurt.
When you think you have someone figured out, try again..your usually wrong.
Las Vegas is the quiezenart of humanity.
On the internet, you are introduced to a individuals personality. In real life you are introduced to that persons face.
Hiding is a type of security. You don’t have to face anything or anyone. You don’t have to deal with things and you don’t have to accept anything.
If my drinking buddies, friends or whatever gave me dirty looks for talking to the love of my life knowing what the given circumstances were...then they aren’t my friends. They are just drinking buddies...and drinking buddies are a dime a dozen.
Sometimes I have discovered...the people that you don’t MAKE time for are the people you SHOULD make time for
The best part of loosing something is finding the beautiful people that were there for you from the start. The worst part is knowing they had always been there and you forgot about them.
1 June 2008 And another thing...lol
Don't poke a stick at the sleeping lion.
Well pretty much all day but right now I am tired. Used up all that energy. Anywho. Was tanning today. Felt great but was feeling like I was roasting! Man o MAN! Got some good info today. Starting on the road to the north for work but it's still in the process. Got the nod and everything but working on better routes. Some are close than others but whatever gets me what I am looking for.
Anywho..ditto.
Oh yeah, found out that when ya pop the battery off a sidekick phone all yer txt messages go by by! (yeah James I think you told me that once but DUH I didn’t realize it meant ALL...thought it was just the old ones in the trash!)
Ok, had a very dear and close friend get sick and ended up having surgery. Scared me bad. Made me remember what I felt when I lost my dad. NEVER EVER let things go unsaid cause NEVER freakin know when their time comes and you are standing there wishing you had 5 more minutes. Don’t forget to say I love you when you part even if you are mad at them. Don’t miss a chance to hold them, hug them, love them no matter what. The other thing that came into play with all that was this. Don’t over estimate or underestimate your love. Or theirs. It sucks and can make you crazy. Know where you stand. Let them know where they stand in the grand scheme of your life. I know that hardly anyone reads my profile but at least I know I am putting it out there. Love and let yourself be loved. It’s that simple. Live it. Know it. Love it. There is no redo. get it right the first time or do your damnedest to show that you tried!
I know there are things that have happened because of things I have done or haven’t done. That’s just life in action. But sometimes it feels as if some things happening because I am not aware enough or smart enough to see it coming. So I am an idiot. Again.... Maybe someday I will be able to just learn to stop trying and start being. Then I can say that I did what I was meant to do and it was either none of my business or that’s how it was meant to be. I am trying though. I am doing my damned best to be right and do the right things. Doesn’t always happen or work out but I do try. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s going on and sometimes I know too much. Right now I am stuck in the middle of those too. Right now I know what I know and that’s going to be enough for now. Will deal with the details later and hope that I find out anything I really need to know in time or praying I don’t find out about something’s that may be better not knowing.
Confused? Welcome to my world....
Ok so I have been bouncing around for the company the last few days. Then I come back up to Orlando and then they tell me there is nothing for me here either for a whole week. There are so many things I can put up with and this isn’t one of them. There are also some other things happening but they are being dealt with. A little at a time. A step at a time. Although I am not where I expected to be at this time in my life but I am happy as hell that I am not where I used to be in my life not too long ago. Although I have certain feelings and reservations about my future I am still going to go at it full steam ahead and make those choices no matter what because I am confident that I will be paid in full in the end.
I changed a lot of my interests and stuff. I will change it again. I am not angry at anyone. I am just in a mood and this is all a result. Actually I feel very at peace. Don’t ask. The bubble maker knows my mind so no explanation required. Actually if I wasn’t so tired I would be writing in my book.
Ok so I am a dork. I was unloading the truck and had my hands full. My favorite biggest coffee mug was on top of the laptop and when I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of my hotel room it got scared and LEPT from the top and tried to jump into the waiting safety of the hotel room and the carpeting. It didn’t make it. The services to honor it will be held tomorrow at 600am. Bring cream' Brule' coffee and any condiments you require.
Worked late last night. Got home around 900pm is. This morning I felt it. I walled on slopes and hills most of the day. Chasing contractors and their silly ideas of what is required of them. So they are going to do what is written on the contract. Isn’t that what they were supposed to do in the first place? I thought so!
You never know what is hiding in the shadows. You never know what is sneaking around the corner. Just follow your heart and it will take you on an adventure or disaster but maybe it’s the ride and not the destination. Either way you win because at that point you can say. I tried it. I did it. And even thought you may have a shattered heart at the end or you may have a life of happiness...you gained the experience. And if the disaster was avoidable and you still went on it was because you saw that you at least had a chance. You didn’t want to have to think about what COULD have been. You just have to bite the bullet and go for it. All or nothing. Make it or break it and damn the results!
Well I know that I am not perfect. I know that sometimes you can do something that is so misunderstood that someone can become angry. Sometime you can be misunderstood in a good way. But all I know is that communication is the key to making sure that it is made clear. If there is no communication then you are looking at trouble and that can only lead down a road that is dark and painful. Yeah, it can happen. Yeah it has happened. Yeah, it will happen again. Humans aren’t perfect. They never are and they never will be. But the best you can do is treat people as good as you can. Make sure they know that you are understood later. That you know how they feel and hope they know how you feel. And maybe, if you are lucky, it can come around and make you stronger.
At times there are people that surprise me. They sneak up and bite yer ass so hard with a load of BS that you can only stand there and blink. They come at you with a smile armed with the eyes of a friend and the intentions of a fucker. Making nicey nice until you aren’t looking. But for the most part I don’t let them know that I see them as the silliest pricks in the country. Let them see me smile back and banter to and fro. The whole time watching them drag you down in front of others but as soon as you step into the light they are all smiles again. Guess the joke is on them because in the long run...I could care less what they do and what they say. Because when people know that they have never been done wrong by or lied to or done anything but helped, talked to because they were crying and no one else would listen....they will still be a friend or not put you down with honesty but out of self preservation and I don’t worry about what people hear or see but what I know they know. And that they are thinking about how nice I have been to them just by asking if they are ok and meaning it.
Then sometimes people walk up and lay it all out how they are so happy that they can say they know me simply because they were in need of a friend and someone that wasn’t judgmental. And all it took was to just listen to them and if asked for give an honest observation or shown a different way to look at things.
In the world of the internet it can be summed up by saying that people fall into a few categories. One is those that come here to unwind. That’s it. Others come here because they have no other social circle. Others come here because they thrive on the drama. Others come here just to wreak havoc, hate and discontent because they are so unhappy that they can’t stand to see others be happy. Then there are the just plain haters. Out to make a mess of anything they can. Making sure that they lure people into their circle and then get as much info as they can out of them. Then when it is convieniet they attack. Or if that person does something that is different than what they want you to do they use it.
I have enough flaws to fill a book of flaws. So does every human that walks the planet. But it's not my place to point them out and make you feel bad. Ever. If asked then different. But to just start going off on someone because your shoes were too tight. Your pants didn’t fit.....again. Or if it was that you didn’t get laid that week, or month. Your pain does not give you the right to cause other pain.
In a world full of war, hate crimes and just plain meanness there is a serious lack of deference. A lack of compassion and patience. I have a very very small circle of people that I call friends and they are the ones that show that quality list I have just said. Caring. Compassionate. Honest and patient. They would not lie to me intentionally or otherwise. They would not do anything intentionally to hurt me or by accident and if it was an accident then I know they would say so and could believe them. They would not be selfish and they would want to say hi at least once a day. If they couldn’t there is always a reason and it always an honest and good one. And they know that I would understand and know this. No harm and no foul. And they know that if I tell them that I understand, I do.
Something for the masses... New songs, new arrangements. New feelings and new adventures.
Since I had to lock down my blog I am going to be putting updates back in here. Stories and poems will be on the blog but only to those that I give access to. (see top for minor details) New job coming up. About time! A hold over until the real project starts though so it isn’t gonna be the season ender like I usually have.
I have been doing a lot of thinking. A lot of soul searching. I already knew I can't change how life is. Can't change people and can't change the cards I have been dealt. But I can change how I react to all of it. There was a time when I was closing up shop and moving my world elsewhere. A place in my corner of the universe that is away from all the back stabbing and the mean people and those that need drama to survive and give themselves some kind of validation. But to be in the middle of it all you have to take the bad with the good and ignore the haters, the game players and the fake people in your life. Deal with them with respect when you have to deal with them. Never let them know you are aware of just how fake they are or just how much they think they are playing you because sometimes it is just too much fun to see em squirm when they finally realize that they don’t have the control over you that they thought they did.
I will be out of the loop pretty much since I will be getting up early every morning to go to the job site unless I can find lodging there that isn’t $100 a night. With all the expenses I will incur while doing this job and the fact that the company doesn’t pay for them will mean that if I stayed in a hotel for the duration...might mean I would be making about the same as being on unemployment. Just have to see and weigh the pros with the cons.....
Went fishing today. First place was a beach type place. Didn’t catch anything but I still had a great time. Did a lot of thinking too. As I sat there I noticed that there are just so many shells making up the bulk of the beach. Holding things together. Keeping the surf from crashing against the shore and wrecking it. The shells make it all better. They may go sometimes. But they come back. Different. The same. But they come back. Making the beach stay steady and everyone that go there happy.
The shells are so small and unassuming. So little, thin. But they have so much power. So much weight on their shoulders. Keeping the sand from washing away. Making everything seem right and as it should be. Binding it all together.
People in our lives are like that. Sometimes the smallest inconceivable person can have such a dramatic hold on your life. Making it all tie together.
And for those drama queens and kings out there...remember...when you go, how do you want people to think about you? Kindly acting hurt and weepy while the whole time cringing inside? Or do you want them to honestly hurt that you are gone because you were awesome to EVERYONE. Not just a select few?
Think about it...long and hard.
ummm, just decided to get rid of the poem. Wasn’t as good as what I thought it was going to be.
But I know that I will be working on it because I just can’t stop thinking about it...!
So I am going to be working again real soon. That’s great. The company that put all that money in me sends me to school. They are not happy. I won’t be working for them. They still haven’t given me any work for the year. Too bad for them.
Have been writing again. Not in the books but just plain ole poetry. Yeah yeah laugh if you want.....
I may post them here. Well at least if I get a request to. So, if ya want any poetry to read say the word and I’ll start posting it here.
Since this profile thing is growing like a book in and of itself I may open a page on AOL and post that kind of stuff there.
If any of you want to read other blogs I have just email me and I will let ya have my MySpace page but only if I know you. No weirdos or strangers! Wait...yer ALL weirdos! Ok no strangers!
Lost connection last night. Then the computer was crashing more than a broke down derby car. Obviously I got it back on now and running. STILL haven’t gotten the other computer up. This one needs an overhaul bad! The other one needs to be thrown into a vat of boiling oil and then peed on.
Anyhow am back up kind of but don’t know for how long.
Hope ya'll had a great weekend.
Ok, I am putting pics back up
And for those that are shallow and most unknowing about what the F**K they are talking about. Maybe someday, yes, some day, you will get a life.
And yes you know who I am talking too. But to the person that knows me the best, thank you, you made me smile today and now I understand how I have been acting and I am sorry.
And you’re still a brat!
Today I have had my first class of the week. So far so good. Covering stuff I know back words and forewords. Maybe half way through and it'll get hard. But I am still thinking I can get that 85% as a minimum. Doesn’t matter about higher but I will still try my best to do my best. Just because that’s the way I am. Do it as best you can or don’t do it at all.Ok, going to eat. Will leave those pics up for 2 more days then they come down. CIAO!!!!!!!!
I am back from the trip. The services were pretty good. More for the living than the dead. Went to see my mom. I think my heart was ripped out every time I saw her. Today was the worst. Tore me apart leaving her. I know she was lucid enough to know that I and my sister were there. We made out peace with her knowing that....what it will mean the next time we are there to see her unless we can somehow make it back across the country to see her before.It sucks seeing the strongest people you ever knew become what they have become. Things that they taught us in one way or the other will always remind us of who they were and what their spirit always will be.I am going to make a memorial for him soon. Mom when it's her turn. She may not be able to say it but you can see that she misses the man that she spent the last 40 plus years living with.
Ok, in fairness I will take that last part out. Maybe not LOST a friend. But something similar. Still feels like hell but nothing to be done. But they know that I am still here and still ready to lend a hand if needed.
Ok, so things are different now. I have plans. Going to be doing some things that are just for me. Of course some things are going to be kind of stupid but that’s a chance I have to take to make it through the next few years. No, don't ask. Besides, I may not sound like I am in my right mind if I told ya.Anyhow, just some things going on that I am not happy about. A sadness that won’t leave. Of course that’s something I personally have to deal with probably for the rest of my life but it's one of those things that if it doesn’t kill me it only makes me silly. Or something like that. Dunno...So, this profile is getting longer and longer. I add some every now and then. Only those that are interested will read it all. The rest are just picture looking. That’s ok too. Soon I will have some more of those coming in and you all can have a great big laugh at my expense.
Tonight was a very big learning experience. I have come to understand that people are who they are. What you perceive is something that you could never truly understand unless you have seen the other side of the leaf. But that doesn’t make you feel any different. Doesn’t make you see any clearer. And certainly it will give you a new page to a book that you thought you had finished.
Forgiving someone for hurting you is the first step in many. They are slow. They are painful and they are very difficult. Forgiving yourself should be harder but should pay big. Asking for forgiveness should be the one thing that makes your heart race and makes you feel like throwing up. Make your hands shake and make your head spin. Asking for forgiveness is the first step in admitting that you have done something to someone that made them feel just the same.Getting it should make you feel clean and right in only that you have taken your first step in getting back on the path you should have been on in the first place.When the world is at your thought and you have nowhere to turn to you feel lost. You feel alone and you feel afraid. You make mistakes. You fall down and you scuff your knee. You think of the things you must do and the things you have to do to survive.
Also know that what you say can and most likely be misunderstood. Or not heard. You may be misjudged and you may even be accused of trying to keep them off balance. But hold on. Stay the course. Even if they aren’t your friends, lover, partner, brother or sister after all is said or done you will be remembered later. Maybe not that day. Maybe not that year. But sometime. And they will whisper your name. To themselves. To their friends. To their children and they will smile as a tear creases theirs face.
No comments:
Post a Comment