21:38 - What is so stupid....
Thursday, May 31, 2007
What is so stupid is
The childish games people play.
When you have friends and they have friends and they have friends. Things are cool....right?
No.
If one of those people feel as if they have been tread upon their friends (who aren't your friends) take up arms and think it's their duty to bring hate and discontent to you in the honor of their friend. They talk to you and make accusations based on half truths. Based on hurt feelings. Based on anger or rejection. Based on reactionary and established rules of childish behaviors and motivations that are out of context.
They feel they should assault you to make them and their friend feel better no matter how well they know something is BS.
It is sickening to see someone that should be wiser than that. Smarter than that. They filter their thoughts through objective filters. Through the filter that is a friendship instead of finding out the other side. The truth that is somewhere between one party and another.
Lies may or may not play a part. Each situation is different. But the point of it is this: Before you open your mouth based on one persons hurt feelings maybe you should ask around and even talk to the other person. You just might end up looking at your friend in a whole new light.
Loyalty is priceless. Blind loyalty is not. It can be very expensive.
You could even, by your actions, ruin the everything your heart broke, hurt or insulted friend is working towards.
maybe having two flippin ears and one mouth is a sign that listening is more important than talking
Wrap yer brain around THAT little tidbit will ya now.
I'm gonna go eat my pizza now.
21:37 - Nothing important
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Nothing important
So, here we are again.
A lot of things have been thunk and a lot of things have been decided. It's yet another day.
The things in the last month have been real awesome. Some have been crap I know. But it's all good in the end if YOU are still breathing right?
A few thoughts:
People can fall in love too easily. They get excited about a fantasy world of how they feel or how someone makes them feel. It's hollow.
There are just so many people that play silly games. They run around poking and prodding others to entertain them. Then they fall on their collective butts when others don't cater to their whimsical needs.
Fear, Pain and Loneliness are all the same, just wearing a different set of shoes. The soul stays the same except it is a bit rougher and a little less intense when treading upon your heart. Why? Because after a while it all feels the same. It all hurts the same, it all is lonely just the same. Only it is just a little less sharp and the callouses are a little thicker. But beware, there are some that are trying to peel away some so they can touch your heart. Let them in. They wont hurt if they start out gentle.
Seeing old friends is an important thing. You may rediscover and old flame, an old passion or an old sore. Take each with stride and carry the weight of sorrow on your heel. Sooner or later you will kick it off.
Drink that last cup of coffee in the morning as if it were a glass of the finest wine. Eat that one egg sandwich as if it were made by the worlds most renown chef. Smile at that one person you would never smile at before. One day they will be your last. You just never really know when.
Tell a pretty woman she is pretty. Tell an old woman she is pretty. Tell a friend they are beautiful. When they laugh tell them why.
If you are angry ask your self if the feelings you have are placed squarely where they are meant to be.
Booty grind often and dance like the music is going to be gone the next day. Don't be shy because if it feels good who cares what ya look like?
Sing like the song in your heart is what makes your heart beat.
And finally, before I go to bed...
The most wisest of sayings I have ever heard.
A man of great knowledge told me this
wait for it.....
It's really worth it
He was a Monk I ran into in Japan.
We shared rice and conversation together.
He said....
There is always more room out than in.
Dig it. If you can explain what he meant tell me. I already know but can you figure it out?
21:37 - Today
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Today
Ok this was a weird day but a bit better than mundane same ol same ol...
Had a dentist appointment today. Got there. All is fine. Just broke a tooth being stupid. Sat in the chair like usual. Power goes dead. I get up and its back on. Sit down and it goes dead. Get back up thinking maybe it's a weird coincidence...power does stay off this time. lol
Ok, I decide I cant have anything done using the ancient tools for the bygone days so I leave. A 5 city block radius is dead. Maybe more I don't know...
So, I get back to work. Find out as soon as I left the power was back on. Since i'm on my bike I cant hear the phone ring to tell me it's ok to come back.
lol
Had a funny conversation with the hygienist. About motorcycles. She thinks they are stupid. That's her god given right. Opinions are, well you know.
Gave me this nifty bag for of dental goodies. Has a little orange ring on it. lol
Though about using it like a purse...LMAO Picture a big bad biker dood wearing all leathers on a loud cruiser bike pulling up and he has a clear bag with orange rings on it...LMAO!
Ohhh, I kill me sometimes. LAUGH DAMMIT!
Anywho, been working through some issues about my desire to get into more holistic training. May not pursue it further but am entertaining ideas on where to spend my time and money for education.
That's it.
No more.....
yer still here?
I said GIT!
Ok, now I mean it. go away!
STALKER!
21:36 - A Day
Monday, May 21, 2007
Just a day
Today was such a bore. Of course it's almost like any other day. But it was still slow. Nothing to do on the job site. No production for me to look at.
Talked to my lil brats. Didn't chat with the ex. Nuttin to say. The oldest is still being a shit. The youngest still has nuttin to talk about. Until I mention boys then she is all about that.
Cant wait for the weather to get warmer. So freaking cold! I want to ride that bike but mother nature isn't having it. I have to ride it tomorrow though. That's ok. Maybe I can get some warmer days for the rest of the week.
Crap this post is so boring!
Oh, worked a little on my book. Maybe some day I will be published and you can all say you saw it all here first!
lol
21:35 - Poems
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Ok, sorry for that last.
I was a little off when I posted the last blog. I wont remove it as it is a part of me. Stupid, crazy and having fun.
Ok, here is a thing I meant to do. I am going to post a bunch of poems. Some are goofy. Some are serious and some are a story. Take them as you will.
Here they go!
Running - Screaming
Laughing - Crying
My dark insanity
Howling - Moaning
Fighting - Playing
My dark insanity
Spirit - Freedom
Trees talking
My dark insanity
Stones walking with the water
Come with me, learn with me lets all smell the colors
MY DARK INSANITY
Stop, STOP, BACK away NOW!
Safely, tenderly I touch your face
Shadows, echos
creeping across my skin
A voice, a voice...yours-mine
Madness slips away, away, away
My dark insanity!
-------------------------------
The fire the ice
Heat of your body...
In you immersed, infused
The scream inside a roar
My hands your body
Running together as one
Now two
Now one again
I feel you I caress you
Suckle you and kiss you
It comes at night
You are a Dream-Nightmare?
Treat me to both
---------------------------------------------------------
Running, hiding
Frantic, scared
The past, fast, it catches me
The future, more of the pain?
Will I go insane?
Away, away...I run from it...away
Too far, I have gone
Too fast I have run
I am lost in the world!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
No excuses for this one
Fling Flung Flang!
The DAMN phone rang and down came the water
The ducks, the chickens the cows and the swine
Like lambs to the slaughter
Red like wine, where do I go to see the scale get weighed?
Their blood, my blood...it's all the same.
Cut us and red it will flow
----------------------------------------------------------------------
There once was a man called Dumplin
He was a country bumpkin
He went to New York City
He felt quit shity
The medicines he tried
Made him sick and he died
Now there's a disease named after him and it's called the blumpkin
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Again I will visit after the clocks lonely gong
If I come by again, I will write here again
But only after I decide what I say isnt wrong
So adieu, adieu
I bid you farewell
I thank you for reading
These words that I spell
If what I say disturbs you then I suggest you complain
If it doesn't then man are YOU insane!
If I could hold her one last time
Would it matter and would it make it alright?
If I could see the face that once I adored
Could it change my life
If I could have stood just a little longer
Where would we be now
If I could have said I love you one more time
Would she be here now
If the stars were a little closer
If the sun blue and not yellow
If the sky was pink and not blue
If north was south and south was north
Nothing will ever change
Not all the if's in the world can help.
Just do as you would do
Make all the words
All the touches
Make all the efforts
Because when it comes down to it
In times of need and constant sorrow
I find some help, a shoulder to borrow
The share the grief that abounds so fair
I want to say that I really do care
In the dark of the night
I went for a bite
The sky was a hazy red
I got on my scooter
but saw some cooter
And broke down a wall with my head
The police came
the fire truck sprayed
All over the ground
My brains there laid
The Goblin was snufflin
The goose bumps a bumpin
Her expression a mask of stone flat
I jumped up and ran
scampered around town
Why was I runnin?
SHE HAD THAT DAMN BATT!
Tic...Tic...
The time, slowly, creeps by
When you are alone
Distractions only distract
When you are alone
Tic...Tic...
The wind howls more loudly
The rain is colder
When you are alone
Tic...Tic...
Count your heart beats
Count the leaves as they fall
When you are alone
Tic...Tic...
Like the sand on the beach
Washing slowly in
Washing slowly out
Build a mountain
Tear it down
The tear falls
Bitter and hot
When you are alone
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
I am tired
So very tired
The roads I have traveled
The suns I have seen
Borne and died
When can I stop
When can I rest
The towns go by, one by one
Like all the others
Like so many I have seen before
Take me home
lay my weary head down
Hold me while I sleep
Let me hear your melodic voice
Whisper to me that it's time to rest, it's time to stop running, you are home and you are safe
i was all for you, everything, even my soul
but you abandoned me
the times i went with out so you could have
but you abandoned me
i hurt, i bled, i took life
but you abandoned me
i wore what you wanted me to wear
but you abandoned
i thought what you want me to think
but you abandoned me
i even left my family behind
but you abandoned me
and then, one day, you asked to do it again
out of love, i did, out of honor i did, out of faith and hope i did
i came back, i gave every thing again, i suffered again, i bled again
and then you abandoned me again
but if you asked me to come back, asked me to return
i would. again and again and again
always will i return for my country
the country that i love
the country where i live
the country where my family live
again i will be a soldier
21:33 - Tonight
Saturday, May 19, 2007
tonight
Ok, I prolly shouldn't be blogging right now...
I had a freaking BLAST tonight. I was karaoke-ing and I had a grand flipping time!
I didnt sing as many songs as I wanted. I did Born to be wild. Hell ya!
Into the ocean...umm, note: Don't do Into the ocean again
If you could read my mind. Ok, here is the cool part, People were dancing to that, a hot girl came up and wanted to sing with me. But of course her BF wasn't having it. Too cool but that part. Don't want to step on anyone's toes! Now ay. Wont mess with couples!
But man I had a blast.! I haven't had so much fun since I had my root canal! lol!
Ok, ummm, yeah there were some killer singers there. Before my first drink there was a woman about 20 something that was soo good.
Then of course there was me. I sucked as usual but demit I had FUN! WOOO HOOO
that's all I have to say!
21:32 - a lil hiccup
Last night
Last night we were going to go out and have some fun. But it didn't happen that way. But we are going out tonight and have some fun with karaoke and stuff. Then to other clubs in search of fun and excitement.
Here is a dumb nuts move for ya. Going through cleaning crap from my laptop and ended up deleting 3 weeks worth of reports that I had not yer turned in. Had to redo them all this AM. DAMN IT! lol
So far things have been getting back to normal. The job is moving along. Cant wait to get out of here though. Need to defrag my head and see my babies! Then to Florida and some fun with my sis and then check up on some friends. Then maybe to Kentucky and do some riding at a friends house. Maybe all of those things maybe just a few but I will have some time off...lol I will see my kids. That's a guaranty. But I have to catch up with some friends and I have let that slip too long.
The week is over and a new one begins soon. Of course I am working this weekend.
Am making some great new decisions about my future. Am moving ahead with the idea to open a cafe style coffee shop. Still hammering out the details and have a business plan/proposal for the bean counters. Hopefully I can get that in motion before next year. If not then I will have the money to put down on it that I didn't have before. Keep the payments down LOW. lol
21:32 - Blah day
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Just some stuff
Today has been a blah day.
Important things? Yeah a few.
First I have noticed that I am over that messed up situation. Sure I love her and probably always will but I am not letting it bother me. Some people that do things like that don't stay locked in my head for long. I mean, there had to be things I did or didn't do right somewhere along the way and same goes for her. I might have just totally closed my mind off to some warnings but what the hey....
I learned. Nuff said.
Had a nice long conversation with my daughter and I think she has come to some understandings about me and our relationship. She understand a lot now which is cool because now when she says, "I love you daddy" I can tell she really means it. I love it...lol
Had a weird day at work. Nothing much to report about but it was just weird.
Phone company is making it easy for me to hate them. I had changed my plan to have unlimited txt and 300 more minutes with a few other goodies. Easy enough. Plan was to be changed on the 7th. Cool!
7th comes around... No prob. You would expect to carry on as usual. So I did with the expectation of using the new plan to it's fullest. riiight
Looked at my account on line and discovered that my plan never changed. And I had gone over 200 plus minutes and over 100 txt mssges. Nice huh?
So, no plan change. Called them up and to my surprise...they were nice. gave me credits to fix it all. Even gave me the unlimited txts for free for a month or so. Ehh, no biggy.
Just have to wait until the 7th (again) to see if it changes..
The rain came today. Glad I didn't ride the bike to work. I really need to clean that bike cause it's got crap all over it! Will be taking the truck in to get fixed next week. Deal: $480 for labor and $1518 for the rebuilt transmission. No deal: $1100 for labor and $2800 for rebuilt transmission. (ford) So the means ford cant beat the price or the warranty. Cant beat the pick up and delivery fees either. The place it is going is picking up the truck and dropping it off (within 10 miles). Ford? I love ya trucks people but yer service SUCKS!
If I was back in Florida I would do it myself but I barley have the tools to change the oil. lol
Funny thing is I really don't even have a place to do it. Kinda sucks but that's the way the booger hangs huh?
So, thats it for now. If I can get rid of this headache I might come back in and write something clever.
21:32 - Over it all
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Getting over it
Ok, had a few mins to think about some shit.
Yeah, I was pissed as hell then. I didn't stay that way long. Am not an angry person.
But after looking back at things I see that WOW shit happens and what can people do about it? Learn from it, shut up and git the hell on.
21:31 - Some people...
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Some people
Ok, no you may say I am being a fucking bitch but I have to say this because it's eating me up alive.
I have been thinking about a situation that had gone through that really hurt. Falling in love and having the other person doing the same. Talking about our futures together and discovering all of the wonderful things that make people compatible and complete.
See all the things that scream PERFECT match. Sharing intimate secrets. Confessions of emotion. Confessions of fears and worries. Wants and desires. Doing things with that person that were way out of your box because with them it was easy and comfortable. You go out of your way to be what you want to be for that person. You don't change for them but for the two of you. For the future of possibilities.
You discover a feeling in you that you thought died with the one woman that you truly loved desperately when the drunk driver crossed the yellow line. Feelings and needs awakened for the first time in many many years.
Then one day she looks you right in the eye and says, "I just don't love you like I thought I did". When asked what made them feel that way they say, "I just don't feel any love for you now.
Ok, then friends? SURE they say.
But when they blow you off, lie to you STILL when asked questions about something you left there. Then when they do reply to a email they bite your head off. They cure at you and do their best to make you seem like YOU were the asshole. Like YOU were the one that broke THEIR heart. Like you were the one that lied and then led on.
Why do people have to be that way? Why cant they just be honest. Tell people how they really feel. Answer a question as simple as, So, since it seems like you have been ignoring me for 3 days, just tell me that you don't want me to talk to you anymore. Stop leading me on and tell me.
Ya know. I have never called anyone this except in joking (and they knew I was joking) But that woman that I thought could walk on water turned out to be a fuckin CUNT!
Makes me wonder why I stay a nice guy. makes me wonder why I still treat women with respect. makes me wonder why I even try anymore.
21:29 - Smoke and mirrors
(had to save this for those that like to play games....)
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Some of what I had before
Ok, this all I saved from my last myspace account. I hated doing it after I deleted my account. Even after thinking about what it saved and finding that it was a bad decision just recently. I wont do that again. Lodt some friends because of it and for that I am angry at my self for trying to have something I thought was real only to find that it was all a big joke on me by someone else. But I know what it's all about now and can see through the toughest of smoke and mirrors. On to reality and on to being me again. No more BS for other people and if ya don't like it tough shit.
0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
21:29 - Interesting things
Entry for April 13, 2007 I am making
a web site, well, not MAKING it persay. I have had it for several years. I am taking it through it's umpteenth renovation. reborn yet again. It will host a lot of my pictures. I have about 15000 pics but only a few (due to bandwidth limits) will make it. Maybe if I can get some advertisements on it to help pay for more band width I will post more. I do have a bunch of recent pics to still go through and post. It will contain many photos. Work stuff, travel stuff and yes, the biggest conceit...pics of ME, yours truly! lol
Why am I doing this you ask? Dunno. A friend and I were going through some photos and it made me think that maybe I should do something like this. The older the photos the worst they are. Scanned pics from regular photos and my first digital which at the time was pretty good but my camera phone takes better pics than that one did. Some are as old as 10 years old to just a few weeks ago. The newest ones will come later as I have to pilfer through them. I am going to set it up later to where I will have descriptions there because it is taking so long to upload all these pics. As I am writing this I am waiting for the most recent pics to upload and I do believe my computer is crashing as I sit here....lol It's been about 10 mins so far and it hasn't done anything but say Loading c:..doc...blah blah
Anywho, when it is done I will post the web addy so yall can check it out.
I hope that I don't have to worry about it being a slow up load for visitors. I have thumbnailed them all down. Some of the photos will open REAL FREAKING BIG until I get in there and change some properties. I know how to do it but I wanted to wait and get them all loaded so I can do a global change. Couple hundred photos aren't easy to upload especially when you have to go through 15000 other pictures.
I was going to post some shots as they were pretty cool but to do that I would have to had cut out the ex-wife and that, again, would have chopped out part of the shot. She's not bad looking but I don't care to have evil incarnate emblazoned upon my website. I included some shots with some friends I used to travel with to different places. Don't do that anymore but the memories are still there. The newest pictures will be added and they will be better quality. Better shots and better content.
So, once it it complete I will send out the link and I hope you all go see it. I don't want my work (crummy as it is) go to waste.
21:28 - A Rainy day
Entry for April 13, 2007 So it's raining...
I sat during lunch and started to watch the water drops roll down my windshield. As it passed every other drop it partially merged and continued on. Leaving some of it's self with the other drops and taking a bit from the other drops with it. Some times completely merging then breaking away and continuing on, bigger and strong. Moving faster with the new momentum from the two drops combined. Sometimes side swiped by other drops. Sometimes when they collide they merge some times they split up going back to smaller drops and taking new paths. Sometimes they just peter out and stick to the wind shield. Waiting for another drop to come along and get it moving again.
Then I thought ," People are like that!" Everyone they meet. They get something and leave something. Give and take. Making a connection that brings on a whole new direction or just getting bigger and going down the same path but with more purpose and drive. Focused. Sometimes people come along and collide with you. If they are on the same wave then they make that connection and hang with you through all the hard falls you make keeping you strong, together and moving. Sometimes they smash into you and break up your group. Make the wave weak and fall apart. Sometimes you are lucky and keep rolling. Just a bit small and a bit slower but still on that same path, same direction. Or you take a new road altogether. Some people just sit and hang out. Never going anywhere or trying to connect. Unless a random thing or person happens by but it's wild and turbulent and you just splatter everywhere. Then the big windshield wiper called life comes along and cleans off the clingers and things start over.
Try this tomorrow or better yet. TODAY! the person you first see after reading this tell them that you are glad that you have them in your life. If it's a stranger then just smile big, say hi and tell them something nice. Help someone. Or better yet if you don't want to hide and be small tell someone that looks upset that hey, it seems bad now but no matter how it turns out that it will change one way or the other. Or even go the distance and hug some one. TALK to someone. Anyone. Share a tad bit of yourself, maybe learn a bit about some one and you both will walk away just a bit bigger and a connection can be made.
Hold a door for someone. Let someone that looks frazzled cut in front of you. Tell someone that you have a tolerant relationship with that even though you aren't as close as you could be that there is still a place in your heart for them.
Tell someone close to you that you love them. Look directly in their eyes, take their hand and let them know that your attention and theirs is focused and tell them.
Make it right. Make it count. make it real.
21:27 - off kilter
Entry for April 13, 2007 Just a weird moment
I finally figured out how I have been getting some free stuff at the hotel here. Free soda's now and then. Free snacks every now and then. Today I found out that the food I thought was put on my tab hasn't been. The front desk guy her is a bit light in the loafers. Don't get mad at my descriptions. I am not a homophobic, or a hater. Gimme a break...
Anyhow that's the way that is. Weird. Oh and the lady that works there too but shes just a nice ol' lady. Nuttin free really just is nice and gives me the heads up on stuff, puts things to the side that she knows I like and calls to see if I want it. But this is a great place to stay. I get a great deal on the room and they are like studio apartments. I have a fireplace in mine. Yeah, it's like that...lol
Well, that's my weird moment.
21:27 - My thick head
Entry for April 13, 2007 Whats going on in this thick skull of mine?
If you noticed I dumped a lot of people. Those that I don't have chats with or have moved on for bigger or better things. I also dumped a lot of comments. May be dumping some more. Will keep the ones that I like or mean something. Or say something interesting. Don't know why but just felt like doing it.
Some real weird things going on in my current world. More personal and on the "not really connected" page of my list of things that matter.
Having some internal issues I guess...lol
Guess it's time to get my priorities in line again. maybe do some more "soul" searching. Ooooo that's deep LMAO
Dunno....maybe this is better left to the blog. matter of fact!
TaDa! Here it is. In my blog.
But I just realized. It's almost 1:00am and I have to be up in a couple hours. Guess I will have to finish this later huh?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
What is so stupid is
The childish games people play.
When you have friends and they have friends and they have friends. Things are cool....right?
No.
If one of those people feel as if they have been tread upon their friends (who aren't your friends) take up arms and think it's their duty to bring hate and discontent to you in the honor of their friend. They talk to you and make accusations based on half truths. Based on hurt feelings. Based on anger or rejection. Based on reactionary and established rules of childish behaviors and motivations that are out of context.
They feel they should assault you to make them and their friend feel better no matter how well they know something is BS.
It is sickening to see someone that should be wiser than that. Smarter than that. They filter their thoughts through objective filters. Through the filter that is a friendship instead of finding out the other side. The truth that is somewhere between one party and another.
Lies may or may not play a part. Each situation is different. But the point of it is this: Before you open your mouth based on one persons hurt feelings maybe you should ask around and even talk to the other person. You just might end up looking at your friend in a whole new light.
Loyalty is priceless. Blind loyalty is not. It can be very expensive.
You could even, by your actions, ruin the everything your heart broke, hurt or insulted friend is working towards.
maybe having two flippin ears and one mouth is a sign that listening is more important than talking
Wrap yer brain around THAT little tidbit will ya now.
I'm gonna go eat my pizza now.
21:37 - Nothing important
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Nothing important
So, here we are again.
A lot of things have been thunk and a lot of things have been decided. It's yet another day.
The things in the last month have been real awesome. Some have been crap I know. But it's all good in the end if YOU are still breathing right?
A few thoughts:
People can fall in love too easily. They get excited about a fantasy world of how they feel or how someone makes them feel. It's hollow.
There are just so many people that play silly games. They run around poking and prodding others to entertain them. Then they fall on their collective butts when others don't cater to their whimsical needs.
Fear, Pain and Loneliness are all the same, just wearing a different set of shoes. The soul stays the same except it is a bit rougher and a little less intense when treading upon your heart. Why? Because after a while it all feels the same. It all hurts the same, it all is lonely just the same. Only it is just a little less sharp and the callouses are a little thicker. But beware, there are some that are trying to peel away some so they can touch your heart. Let them in. They wont hurt if they start out gentle.
Seeing old friends is an important thing. You may rediscover and old flame, an old passion or an old sore. Take each with stride and carry the weight of sorrow on your heel. Sooner or later you will kick it off.
Drink that last cup of coffee in the morning as if it were a glass of the finest wine. Eat that one egg sandwich as if it were made by the worlds most renown chef. Smile at that one person you would never smile at before. One day they will be your last. You just never really know when.
Tell a pretty woman she is pretty. Tell an old woman she is pretty. Tell a friend they are beautiful. When they laugh tell them why.
If you are angry ask your self if the feelings you have are placed squarely where they are meant to be.
Booty grind often and dance like the music is going to be gone the next day. Don't be shy because if it feels good who cares what ya look like?
Sing like the song in your heart is what makes your heart beat.
And finally, before I go to bed...
The most wisest of sayings I have ever heard.
A man of great knowledge told me this
wait for it.....
It's really worth it
He was a Monk I ran into in Japan.
We shared rice and conversation together.
He said....
There is always more room out than in.
Dig it. If you can explain what he meant tell me. I already know but can you figure it out?
21:37 - Today
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Today
Ok this was a weird day but a bit better than mundane same ol same ol...
Had a dentist appointment today. Got there. All is fine. Just broke a tooth being stupid. Sat in the chair like usual. Power goes dead. I get up and its back on. Sit down and it goes dead. Get back up thinking maybe it's a weird coincidence...power does stay off this time. lol
Ok, I decide I cant have anything done using the ancient tools for the bygone days so I leave. A 5 city block radius is dead. Maybe more I don't know...
So, I get back to work. Find out as soon as I left the power was back on. Since i'm on my bike I cant hear the phone ring to tell me it's ok to come back.
lol
Had a funny conversation with the hygienist. About motorcycles. She thinks they are stupid. That's her god given right. Opinions are, well you know.
Gave me this nifty bag for of dental goodies. Has a little orange ring on it. lol
Though about using it like a purse...LMAO Picture a big bad biker dood wearing all leathers on a loud cruiser bike pulling up and he has a clear bag with orange rings on it...LMAO!
Ohhh, I kill me sometimes. LAUGH DAMMIT!
Anywho, been working through some issues about my desire to get into more holistic training. May not pursue it further but am entertaining ideas on where to spend my time and money for education.
That's it.
No more.....
yer still here?
I said GIT!
Ok, now I mean it. go away!
STALKER!
21:36 - A Day
Monday, May 21, 2007
Just a day
Today was such a bore. Of course it's almost like any other day. But it was still slow. Nothing to do on the job site. No production for me to look at.
Talked to my lil brats. Didn't chat with the ex. Nuttin to say. The oldest is still being a shit. The youngest still has nuttin to talk about. Until I mention boys then she is all about that.
Cant wait for the weather to get warmer. So freaking cold! I want to ride that bike but mother nature isn't having it. I have to ride it tomorrow though. That's ok. Maybe I can get some warmer days for the rest of the week.
Crap this post is so boring!
Oh, worked a little on my book. Maybe some day I will be published and you can all say you saw it all here first!
lol
21:35 - Poems
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Ok, sorry for that last.
I was a little off when I posted the last blog. I wont remove it as it is a part of me. Stupid, crazy and having fun.
Ok, here is a thing I meant to do. I am going to post a bunch of poems. Some are goofy. Some are serious and some are a story. Take them as you will.
Here they go!
Running - Screaming
Laughing - Crying
My dark insanity
Howling - Moaning
Fighting - Playing
My dark insanity
Spirit - Freedom
Trees talking
My dark insanity
Stones walking with the water
Come with me, learn with me lets all smell the colors
MY DARK INSANITY
Stop, STOP, BACK away NOW!
Safely, tenderly I touch your face
Shadows, echos
creeping across my skin
A voice, a voice...yours-mine
Madness slips away, away, away
My dark insanity!
-------------------------------
The fire the ice
Heat of your body...
In you immersed, infused
The scream inside a roar
My hands your body
Running together as one
Now two
Now one again
I feel you I caress you
Suckle you and kiss you
It comes at night
You are a Dream-Nightmare?
Treat me to both
---------------------------------------------------------
Running, hiding
Frantic, scared
The past, fast, it catches me
The future, more of the pain?
Will I go insane?
Away, away...I run from it...away
Too far, I have gone
Too fast I have run
I am lost in the world!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
No excuses for this one
Fling Flung Flang!
The DAMN phone rang and down came the water
The ducks, the chickens the cows and the swine
Like lambs to the slaughter
Red like wine, where do I go to see the scale get weighed?
Their blood, my blood...it's all the same.
Cut us and red it will flow
----------------------------------------------------------------------
There once was a man called Dumplin
He was a country bumpkin
He went to New York City
He felt quit shity
The medicines he tried
Made him sick and he died
Now there's a disease named after him and it's called the blumpkin
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Again I will visit after the clocks lonely gong
If I come by again, I will write here again
But only after I decide what I say isnt wrong
So adieu, adieu
I bid you farewell
I thank you for reading
These words that I spell
If what I say disturbs you then I suggest you complain
If it doesn't then man are YOU insane!
If I could hold her one last time
Would it matter and would it make it alright?
If I could see the face that once I adored
Could it change my life
If I could have stood just a little longer
Where would we be now
If I could have said I love you one more time
Would she be here now
If the stars were a little closer
If the sun blue and not yellow
If the sky was pink and not blue
If north was south and south was north
Nothing will ever change
Not all the if's in the world can help.
Just do as you would do
Make all the words
All the touches
Make all the efforts
Because when it comes down to it
In times of need and constant sorrow
I find some help, a shoulder to borrow
The share the grief that abounds so fair
I want to say that I really do care
In the dark of the night
I went for a bite
The sky was a hazy red
I got on my scooter
but saw some cooter
And broke down a wall with my head
The police came
the fire truck sprayed
All over the ground
My brains there laid
The Goblin was snufflin
The goose bumps a bumpin
Her expression a mask of stone flat
I jumped up and ran
scampered around town
Why was I runnin?
SHE HAD THAT DAMN BATT!
Tic...Tic...
The time, slowly, creeps by
When you are alone
Distractions only distract
When you are alone
Tic...Tic...
The wind howls more loudly
The rain is colder
When you are alone
Tic...Tic...
Count your heart beats
Count the leaves as they fall
When you are alone
Tic...Tic...
Like the sand on the beach
Washing slowly in
Washing slowly out
Build a mountain
Tear it down
The tear falls
Bitter and hot
When you are alone
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
Tic Toc
I am tired
So very tired
The roads I have traveled
The suns I have seen
Borne and died
When can I stop
When can I rest
The towns go by, one by one
Like all the others
Like so many I have seen before
Take me home
lay my weary head down
Hold me while I sleep
Let me hear your melodic voice
Whisper to me that it's time to rest, it's time to stop running, you are home and you are safe
i was all for you, everything, even my soul
but you abandoned me
the times i went with out so you could have
but you abandoned me
i hurt, i bled, i took life
but you abandoned me
i wore what you wanted me to wear
but you abandoned
i thought what you want me to think
but you abandoned me
i even left my family behind
but you abandoned me
and then, one day, you asked to do it again
out of love, i did, out of honor i did, out of faith and hope i did
i came back, i gave every thing again, i suffered again, i bled again
and then you abandoned me again
but if you asked me to come back, asked me to return
i would. again and again and again
always will i return for my country
the country that i love
the country where i live
the country where my family live
again i will be a soldier
21:33 - Tonight
Saturday, May 19, 2007
tonight
Ok, I prolly shouldn't be blogging right now...
I had a freaking BLAST tonight. I was karaoke-ing and I had a grand flipping time!
I didnt sing as many songs as I wanted. I did Born to be wild. Hell ya!
Into the ocean...umm, note: Don't do Into the ocean again
If you could read my mind. Ok, here is the cool part, People were dancing to that, a hot girl came up and wanted to sing with me. But of course her BF wasn't having it. Too cool but that part. Don't want to step on anyone's toes! Now ay. Wont mess with couples!
But man I had a blast.! I haven't had so much fun since I had my root canal! lol!
Ok, ummm, yeah there were some killer singers there. Before my first drink there was a woman about 20 something that was soo good.
Then of course there was me. I sucked as usual but demit I had FUN! WOOO HOOO
that's all I have to say!
21:32 - a lil hiccup
Last night
Last night we were going to go out and have some fun. But it didn't happen that way. But we are going out tonight and have some fun with karaoke and stuff. Then to other clubs in search of fun and excitement.
Here is a dumb nuts move for ya. Going through cleaning crap from my laptop and ended up deleting 3 weeks worth of reports that I had not yer turned in. Had to redo them all this AM. DAMN IT! lol
So far things have been getting back to normal. The job is moving along. Cant wait to get out of here though. Need to defrag my head and see my babies! Then to Florida and some fun with my sis and then check up on some friends. Then maybe to Kentucky and do some riding at a friends house. Maybe all of those things maybe just a few but I will have some time off...lol I will see my kids. That's a guaranty. But I have to catch up with some friends and I have let that slip too long.
The week is over and a new one begins soon. Of course I am working this weekend.
Am making some great new decisions about my future. Am moving ahead with the idea to open a cafe style coffee shop. Still hammering out the details and have a business plan/proposal for the bean counters. Hopefully I can get that in motion before next year. If not then I will have the money to put down on it that I didn't have before. Keep the payments down LOW. lol
21:32 - Blah day
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Just some stuff
Today has been a blah day.
Important things? Yeah a few.
First I have noticed that I am over that messed up situation. Sure I love her and probably always will but I am not letting it bother me. Some people that do things like that don't stay locked in my head for long. I mean, there had to be things I did or didn't do right somewhere along the way and same goes for her. I might have just totally closed my mind off to some warnings but what the hey....
I learned. Nuff said.
Had a nice long conversation with my daughter and I think she has come to some understandings about me and our relationship. She understand a lot now which is cool because now when she says, "I love you daddy" I can tell she really means it. I love it...lol
Had a weird day at work. Nothing much to report about but it was just weird.
Phone company is making it easy for me to hate them. I had changed my plan to have unlimited txt and 300 more minutes with a few other goodies. Easy enough. Plan was to be changed on the 7th. Cool!
7th comes around... No prob. You would expect to carry on as usual. So I did with the expectation of using the new plan to it's fullest. riiight
Looked at my account on line and discovered that my plan never changed. And I had gone over 200 plus minutes and over 100 txt mssges. Nice huh?
So, no plan change. Called them up and to my surprise...they were nice. gave me credits to fix it all. Even gave me the unlimited txts for free for a month or so. Ehh, no biggy.
Just have to wait until the 7th (again) to see if it changes..
The rain came today. Glad I didn't ride the bike to work. I really need to clean that bike cause it's got crap all over it! Will be taking the truck in to get fixed next week. Deal: $480 for labor and $1518 for the rebuilt transmission. No deal: $1100 for labor and $2800 for rebuilt transmission. (ford) So the means ford cant beat the price or the warranty. Cant beat the pick up and delivery fees either. The place it is going is picking up the truck and dropping it off (within 10 miles). Ford? I love ya trucks people but yer service SUCKS!
If I was back in Florida I would do it myself but I barley have the tools to change the oil. lol
Funny thing is I really don't even have a place to do it. Kinda sucks but that's the way the booger hangs huh?
So, thats it for now. If I can get rid of this headache I might come back in and write something clever.
21:32 - Over it all
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Getting over it
Ok, had a few mins to think about some shit.
Yeah, I was pissed as hell then. I didn't stay that way long. Am not an angry person.
But after looking back at things I see that WOW shit happens and what can people do about it? Learn from it, shut up and git the hell on.
21:31 - Some people...
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Some people
Ok, no you may say I am being a fucking bitch but I have to say this because it's eating me up alive.
I have been thinking about a situation that had gone through that really hurt. Falling in love and having the other person doing the same. Talking about our futures together and discovering all of the wonderful things that make people compatible and complete.
See all the things that scream PERFECT match. Sharing intimate secrets. Confessions of emotion. Confessions of fears and worries. Wants and desires. Doing things with that person that were way out of your box because with them it was easy and comfortable. You go out of your way to be what you want to be for that person. You don't change for them but for the two of you. For the future of possibilities.
You discover a feeling in you that you thought died with the one woman that you truly loved desperately when the drunk driver crossed the yellow line. Feelings and needs awakened for the first time in many many years.
Then one day she looks you right in the eye and says, "I just don't love you like I thought I did". When asked what made them feel that way they say, "I just don't feel any love for you now.
Ok, then friends? SURE they say.
But when they blow you off, lie to you STILL when asked questions about something you left there. Then when they do reply to a email they bite your head off. They cure at you and do their best to make you seem like YOU were the asshole. Like YOU were the one that broke THEIR heart. Like you were the one that lied and then led on.
Why do people have to be that way? Why cant they just be honest. Tell people how they really feel. Answer a question as simple as, So, since it seems like you have been ignoring me for 3 days, just tell me that you don't want me to talk to you anymore. Stop leading me on and tell me.
Ya know. I have never called anyone this except in joking (and they knew I was joking) But that woman that I thought could walk on water turned out to be a fuckin CUNT!
Makes me wonder why I stay a nice guy. makes me wonder why I still treat women with respect. makes me wonder why I even try anymore.
21:29 - Smoke and mirrors
(had to save this for those that like to play games....)
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Some of what I had before
Ok, this all I saved from my last myspace account. I hated doing it after I deleted my account. Even after thinking about what it saved and finding that it was a bad decision just recently. I wont do that again. Lodt some friends because of it and for that I am angry at my self for trying to have something I thought was real only to find that it was all a big joke on me by someone else. But I know what it's all about now and can see through the toughest of smoke and mirrors. On to reality and on to being me again. No more BS for other people and if ya don't like it tough shit.
0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
21:29 - Interesting things
Entry for April 13, 2007 I am making
a web site, well, not MAKING it persay. I have had it for several years. I am taking it through it's umpteenth renovation. reborn yet again. It will host a lot of my pictures. I have about 15000 pics but only a few (due to bandwidth limits) will make it. Maybe if I can get some advertisements on it to help pay for more band width I will post more. I do have a bunch of recent pics to still go through and post. It will contain many photos. Work stuff, travel stuff and yes, the biggest conceit...pics of ME, yours truly! lol
Why am I doing this you ask? Dunno. A friend and I were going through some photos and it made me think that maybe I should do something like this. The older the photos the worst they are. Scanned pics from regular photos and my first digital which at the time was pretty good but my camera phone takes better pics than that one did. Some are as old as 10 years old to just a few weeks ago. The newest ones will come later as I have to pilfer through them. I am going to set it up later to where I will have descriptions there because it is taking so long to upload all these pics. As I am writing this I am waiting for the most recent pics to upload and I do believe my computer is crashing as I sit here....lol It's been about 10 mins so far and it hasn't done anything but say Loading c:..doc...blah blah
Anywho, when it is done I will post the web addy so yall can check it out.
I hope that I don't have to worry about it being a slow up load for visitors. I have thumbnailed them all down. Some of the photos will open REAL FREAKING BIG until I get in there and change some properties. I know how to do it but I wanted to wait and get them all loaded so I can do a global change. Couple hundred photos aren't easy to upload especially when you have to go through 15000 other pictures.
I was going to post some shots as they were pretty cool but to do that I would have to had cut out the ex-wife and that, again, would have chopped out part of the shot. She's not bad looking but I don't care to have evil incarnate emblazoned upon my website. I included some shots with some friends I used to travel with to different places. Don't do that anymore but the memories are still there. The newest pictures will be added and they will be better quality. Better shots and better content.
So, once it it complete I will send out the link and I hope you all go see it. I don't want my work (crummy as it is) go to waste.
21:28 - A Rainy day
Entry for April 13, 2007 So it's raining...
I sat during lunch and started to watch the water drops roll down my windshield. As it passed every other drop it partially merged and continued on. Leaving some of it's self with the other drops and taking a bit from the other drops with it. Some times completely merging then breaking away and continuing on, bigger and strong. Moving faster with the new momentum from the two drops combined. Sometimes side swiped by other drops. Sometimes when they collide they merge some times they split up going back to smaller drops and taking new paths. Sometimes they just peter out and stick to the wind shield. Waiting for another drop to come along and get it moving again.
Then I thought ," People are like that!" Everyone they meet. They get something and leave something. Give and take. Making a connection that brings on a whole new direction or just getting bigger and going down the same path but with more purpose and drive. Focused. Sometimes people come along and collide with you. If they are on the same wave then they make that connection and hang with you through all the hard falls you make keeping you strong, together and moving. Sometimes they smash into you and break up your group. Make the wave weak and fall apart. Sometimes you are lucky and keep rolling. Just a bit small and a bit slower but still on that same path, same direction. Or you take a new road altogether. Some people just sit and hang out. Never going anywhere or trying to connect. Unless a random thing or person happens by but it's wild and turbulent and you just splatter everywhere. Then the big windshield wiper called life comes along and cleans off the clingers and things start over.
Try this tomorrow or better yet. TODAY! the person you first see after reading this tell them that you are glad that you have them in your life. If it's a stranger then just smile big, say hi and tell them something nice. Help someone. Or better yet if you don't want to hide and be small tell someone that looks upset that hey, it seems bad now but no matter how it turns out that it will change one way or the other. Or even go the distance and hug some one. TALK to someone. Anyone. Share a tad bit of yourself, maybe learn a bit about some one and you both will walk away just a bit bigger and a connection can be made.
Hold a door for someone. Let someone that looks frazzled cut in front of you. Tell someone that you have a tolerant relationship with that even though you aren't as close as you could be that there is still a place in your heart for them.
Tell someone close to you that you love them. Look directly in their eyes, take their hand and let them know that your attention and theirs is focused and tell them.
Make it right. Make it count. make it real.
21:27 - off kilter
Entry for April 13, 2007 Just a weird moment
I finally figured out how I have been getting some free stuff at the hotel here. Free soda's now and then. Free snacks every now and then. Today I found out that the food I thought was put on my tab hasn't been. The front desk guy her is a bit light in the loafers. Don't get mad at my descriptions. I am not a homophobic, or a hater. Gimme a break...
Anyhow that's the way that is. Weird. Oh and the lady that works there too but shes just a nice ol' lady. Nuttin free really just is nice and gives me the heads up on stuff, puts things to the side that she knows I like and calls to see if I want it. But this is a great place to stay. I get a great deal on the room and they are like studio apartments. I have a fireplace in mine. Yeah, it's like that...lol
Well, that's my weird moment.
21:27 - My thick head
Entry for April 13, 2007 Whats going on in this thick skull of mine?
If you noticed I dumped a lot of people. Those that I don't have chats with or have moved on for bigger or better things. I also dumped a lot of comments. May be dumping some more. Will keep the ones that I like or mean something. Or say something interesting. Don't know why but just felt like doing it.
Some real weird things going on in my current world. More personal and on the "not really connected" page of my list of things that matter.
Having some internal issues I guess...lol
Guess it's time to get my priorities in line again. maybe do some more "soul" searching. Ooooo that's deep LMAO
Dunno....maybe this is better left to the blog. matter of fact!
TaDa! Here it is. In my blog.
But I just realized. It's almost 1:00am and I have to be up in a couple hours. Guess I will have to finish this later huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment