Some people don't know how to tell the truth
Sometimes shame can make you do things you don't want to do.
To get over this I will not post about it anymore.
Keeps dragging me back.
[10 Nov 2007 Saturday]
09:21 - This is where I have been, and where I am now
I had been with someone for a while. The joy of being with her was something I cant even begin to explain. The way she loved me was so intense and wild it swallowed me whole and held me in a place I had always dreamed of.
The way I felt as a man made life so incredible. The joy of teaching her new things. So many things she had never experienced. Watching her grow into the woman she had always been but had never been allowed to be. At 36 she had just never known that love and affection, tenderness and wild free passion of the heart mind and should were real and she never knew she could have those things. The acceptance of her flaws and the acceptance of her lack of experience in the world and in a real and loving relationship.
The things that had always been out of my reach from relationships were the things she gave me. Allowed me to be me and express everything that I was. Allowed me to have pain with out shame. The touch of her hand and the softness in her voice. The gentleness in her eyes. Those things were so intoxicating.
The dreams and plans were the ones that made me motivated to settle in and have a life that had no more traveling for work. They were what I had wanted but with her they were going to be possible and they were real.
The lack of concern for trouble and pain while I was with her made the world seem like I could take it on and walk away with out a scratch.
I would have taken on all of hell with w squirt gun and a grin on my face for her and out future.
Then, literally, over night it all changed.
After talking a few hours on the phone when I got back to my home the next morning she had closed me out. Shut me out so completely. A few days later with the help of a mutual friend we started to communicate again. I had been given no reason. She never would. And she limited the conversations, when and how. Never a reason.
The a few days later it happened again. Still no reason. No reason at all. Myself and a lot of people have asked and tried their best to get her to give and answer. A reason. Why. Why do this when everything and everyone was so happy and could see that we were so awesome together. People on the street said it. Her friends even said that they were so happy that we are together because SHE was happier than they had ever seen her. That I was so good for her. That she was beaming because the things she had told them about me were things they wanted in THEIR relationship.
No reason why.
No after she hurt me I allowed her back in and she hurt me again. Then she tried to make it seem as if I had done something wrong. Tried to blame ME without saying a word. By acting hurt and done wrong. All I ever did was work towards bringing things into her life. Showing her love and affection. Showing her that it is a reality to have all that and more once we moved in. Making her feel like she was the most wonderful person in the world. I showed her that she can be loved like she had always wanted. That she IS beautiful. That she IS sexy. That She IS a special lady that does deserve the joy, happiness, consideration and respect that I gave her and that she should always have.
But I guess that was my mistake? Or was it the time apart until she was done with her divorce? Was it the whispers of another? Was it the divorce it's self? Was it that she couldn't handle what was being given to her without expectation? was it? was it..... was it.... what! What is it? I asked. I begged. I pleaded. Yet she wouldn't tell me anything.
I let her hurt me twice. I still hurt. But she is the one losing out now. She is the one alone. She is the one that is going to miss everything she had with me. All the things that she got from me she cant get from anyone else.
The funny thing is....
Even though I feel so sick with the hurt that I can stand up, hold my head high and say that she hurt me twice, I allowed that. But I never hurt her. I could devastate her world with a single phone call and the sending of a few files. But the best thing is that I wont. I cant. Even if I really wanted to. I was told I should. That she deserves it. But that is so far away from ME that I would be lost and that's not gonna happen.
I am going to move on and here is what I know for certain: although I still care for her and still remember the best of our relationship which was from the first day I ever talked to her to the last time I talked to her on the phone. After that doesn't exist for me.
I will remember what I have forgotten. Other people CANNOT make you happy or sad. YOU have to allow them to do that. And I am not going to allow it.
That's where I am now. Smarter. Cautious, walls are up and the trust is down but I can still stand tall knowing that there was absolutely nothing I did. Knowing that her world is so much less with me not in it that she will be miserable. But I wont be. I cant be and I wont allow it.
This where I am now.
[17 Sep 2007 Monday]
20:36 - A New Profile Look
If you haven't noticed I put up a new profile look. It doesn't fit me as a whole but it fits my mood right now.
The sun I so huge. So powerful. Exerting enormous pull on so many planets and space debris that it is the center of a solar system. It's raging hydrogen fires on it's surface is thousands of degrees and a single flare can travel all the way to earth and can effect the very nature of our atmosphere. And it is so far away. Hundreds of thousands of miles away. HEAVY STUFF COMING!
The moon. Subtle. Beautiful. Man has walked on it. Just a few days travel away and that's by old out dated equipment. It's effect on us is there and very important. From the tidal changes to the protection from space debris. It cant send cosmic rays at us. It cant burn us. We have walked it's surface. Very unassuming hunk of rock. But in the profile image it seems HUGE!
Like problems and people. Especially if you let them get to you. They are small. Unassuming minor irritants that some day will come back and get you. They don't cause any trouble now. But give them time without being dealt with and your in deep doo doo without a paddle. They can end up ballooning up like the moon appears over the sun.
People are the same. 2 ways
1: Shy, quiet people. They go about their day. Not bothering anyone. But they are full of the same emotions, feelings and strengths, fears and such as you and me. But let them an inch into your life and they become so large in your life. Girlfriend that you never knew you needed. (like Shell and I) They show you and give you so much that you sometimes wake up weeping because you feel so much love for that person that it actually hurts.
2: Mean people. Hard nosed mean people. You think everything is good. It's all fine and you have an understanding. Then they show up one day and clobber you. Just when you think all is under control. For what ever reason. They are larger than life and demand so much of your attention that you are overwhelmed by the evil that comes from them. They haunt your thoughts. Fill your mind with confusion. Out of control and very tiring.
I see people like that every day. Good people. Bad people. Some stuck in between and some stuck on stupid. Some are just trying to make it and some are just trying to sneak through it. Get through life like it's a battle for survival in the death lands of a scifi movie. Let them get into that reality and they will crumble. I have never done that but I know that some people would be better suited to survival like that. Only because they are making it by with hard work and determination. Try and cheat through life and life cheats you back.
I have deleted some of the people that were on my friends list. Some may not make it back because they never communicated with me on myspace. I knew everyone of them in some way. Chatting on line, talked to on the phone once in a while. Met in person. I have more family on there than anything else. I am down to a few people. That's fine with me.
I will leave it like this for a while.
I used to be happy to add people every now and then. Liked it when people read my blogs. Now...I dunno.
I have a woman that I am so in love with that it makes my heart tighten when I think of her. I feel no need to even have a blog but I like to write my feelings down. Just her and some family are the only ones that can see me now and that's fine with me.
Anyhow I am done writing.
Bye
[07 Sep 2007 Friday]
22:47 - It’s just that...
the people I work with or work for can be idiots.
On the bridge I am working on they finally heard our voices. We have been reporting on and taking pictures of and complaining about the same areas that are rusted out ruined steel. Today they finally had to do something about it. The local paper here was on site taking pics of the messed up areas. Then about 6million state engineers were on site. Then some bridge construction company was on site.
Figuring out the best way to fix the bridge. Great. I am ECSTATIC about that. Wish they could have come sooner when the steel had been blasted clean and can see all the damage first hand in it's clean raw state.
Oh well at least they are going to do something about it.
They closed down 2 of the 3 lanes which is a good choice. It can still be used but in a limited manor. That's fine.
Just glad it's going to be fixed.
On to other things.
I guess.
Yer still here?
Don't you have something to do?
Like wash your hair.....or something?
GO AWAY!
SCRAM!
whew, thought they would never leave.
AHHHH! I thought you left!
geez you guys cant leave me alone. what am I? cheap entertainment?
[06 Sep 2007 Thursday]
21:41 - It seems that I have....
Gotten some people very mad by finding someone to love and love me back.
I don't care. I deserve this no matter what ANY one says.
I will have happiness in my life and there is nothing anyone can, should or will do about it.
Anyhow, I am not going to let this bother me. I am happy and that's that.
[05 Sep 2007 Wednesday]
21:34 - I do believe I found her!
Ok, in a blog I posted a while back I said that I wanted to find a woman that could make me feel her all the time. A woman that could make me feel her lips, finger tips and spirit touching my soul. A woman that could make me flinch and start smiling like a big goof ball when she walks into the room.
I wanted a woman that is strong, funny, spirited and silly. Beautiful, sexy, sensuous and sweet.
A woman that could keep up with me and a woman that shows me things and gives me the things that I didn't know I needed from a woman.
A woman that can captivate me but not control me. Someone that lets me be who I am and respects and appreciates that. Someone that can run with the bulls one minute and then take my arm on a night out on the town. Be soft and gentle and a hard ass when it's appropriate.
Someone that cares, loves, is compassionate and practices tough love correctly. A woman that can look me in the eye and tell me the truth, hold up an agreement and admit it if she cant or wont because it isn't right.
A woman that can sit on the back of my mind and make me feel good about how I feel when I am near her.
Makes my heart beat faster every time I see her no matter how many time I see her.
Excited about hearing her call me. Reach for her in my sleep when she whispers my name.
Patient and considerate.
Man I could go on for a long time!
But I have found her. Or we found each other.
Someone that I am willing to move for. She has made me see a reason to do what I do, and see that it's time for me to stop running around the world and settle into more of a home based work routine. Encourages me to do what makes me feel happy but I feel the need to settle down. I have a woman that shook my world and when the dust settled I saw light and heard soft music. I saw her there smiling at me and the invitation in her eyes to be with her for as long as we are destined to be in this world.
All I know is this. I am in love.
I know that I am IN love. And I love her. What she has brought into my life is like a gift that I cannot top.
I love you
[31 Aug 2007 Friday]
08:52 - Yeah yeah yeah...uh huh
So, where have I been?
Read that last blog?
There ya go.
This job here is going to be a lot quieter. Starting to wind down too. The last blast was a day or so ago. Yep... The contractor is still being foolish, heard headed and down right crooked. Even more so now that the job is nearly done. Still trying to get some work lined up for next year. Going to have to watch the pennies so much more than usual!
I am going to be steppin and fetchin this winter. Have lots of classes to take and many many things to get done before I make that move for next year.
I still have that dang boat to get finished and out on the water. The electrical is what is making it so hard. The other stuff is easy though. The carpeting, the side panels and the interior of the cabin. Just manual labor with little left for creativity. The ideas are already there. The demolishing of the crappy carpeting on the ceiling and the upholstering is all that's left before installing the new stuff. I have thought about some changes to the original plan. Will cut out a step but it just doesn't make sense to rebuild the cabinites. They are fine where they are and the storage and coolers that will be used on board most of the time will provide all the storage I need for later. When I get more work done that can be seen I will definitely post pics.
Other wise gotta run. Have some attitude to adjust on the bridge.
CIAO!
[17 Aug 2007 Friday]
00:27 - So, where have I been?
For some, you all know why I haven't been on here in a while. For the others...
I have been busy. REALLY busy.
Both in my personal life and professional life. Somethings have changed and they are fantastic.
Of course some things aren't. Like the job. The contractor is a little bit of a crook in my opinion (just in case anyone from the job sees this they cant say I was making a direct statement and if they try to raise a stink then they can suck my left nut. Truth hurts?) Crooked as a broke back snake! (in my opinion)
So, I encountered something that I wasn't ready for. Trust. Deep down do it or don't trust. Should I stay or should I go now (Clash, 1983) I am staying. I am playing this one out till the end and I don't have any regrets. There are some weird feelings going on and I know that there might be some people that will read this and have mixed emotions. Some will be angry (don't know why but there is a few in every bunch) some will say I am an idiot. Some will say that if I do this thing I will be setting myself up for another fall. SO I say SO WHAT? ya cant learn to walk if you are always too scared you might fall down. Yeah I know what happened that last time I let myself trust. That's ok because I will never get the life I want if I don't trust. If I get a heart ache over it then fine. Another battle scar. But I don't think this is the same as the others. Not by a long shot. Hell this one could be the one I needed.
I have made some changes to my truck (expedition) that are doing good. Better gas mileage and such is the result.
This winter I will be taking more classes so I can get work in more places. Ohio is a drag. It's killing me. Literally.
I cant wait to get done with this old pain in the butt job. I hate this place and that's something I don't usually say about a project. But it's true!
Ok, more later as I am tired and worn out.
CIAO!
[23 Jul 2007 Monday]
13:34 - People!
There is an issue that drives me nuts.
Men that cant take rejection. Divorce. Uh huh. Weak men that cannot take divorce and all of it's nuances.
I have been divorced twice. Although I was the one that initiated the process I still never did the things I see these other men doing. Stalking their soon to be ex's. Harassing them. Causing problems and stress. Using the kids (if there are any) as a weapon or some kind of tool. INSANE!
TAKE IT LIKE A MAN
BE A MAN!
If the woman is no longer interested in being with you TAKE the hint. Don't think that being a crying little bitch that she will take you back. Stop doing childish things that would make anyone look at you and shake their heads in pity. Shameful.
Why do all that? Aren't you an adult? Why act like a little kid? Don't you have the balls to admit that maybe YOU did something wrong? That she isn't leaving you over another man or for something better? Maybe you had been ignoring the warning signs because you aren't man enough to believe that you could be slacking in one or more things and that you were in denial?
Yes I have to admit that there are times when another man is there. Or that sometimes there are women that just aren't marriage material because they will always be unfaithful or the type that cannot stay faithful. Maybe they are the sexually abused type that have a thing in their head that since they are already soiled by whoever that there is nothing left to do but just stay that way by others. Or maybe they have no love left in their heart?
Or maybe the man is an abusive asshole. Doesn't matter what type of abuse. Abuse is abuse. And the woman just cant and wont take it anymore. Let her go. Why continue being a controlling abusive fuck face? You don't feel like a man if you don't? Were you treated that way growing up and don't know any other way? WRONG! You are an adult so act like one. You KNOW right from wrong. Cant admit you are weak? NO EXCUSE! Cant take the fact you are not wanted by the woman you still "love"? WHAT TYPE OF RETARD ARE YOU! Obviously you are a weak, ignorant fuck and don't DESERVE the woman that is leaving you. And just because you are being left….it probably isn't for another man. It's to get away from YOU.
Ok, All men that are out there (I know that maybe 5 guys might read this) should think about this.
You are not all that you think you are unless you can make your woman smile, make her laugh and make her eyes sparkle when she thinks of you. All the things you did that made her like you and love you, you should do EVERY DAY. Don't stop after you finally win her over or it will be YOU that is over. Get it? GET IT!!
Ok, you mat ask why a 2 time divorcee is talking all this crap? Remember, I am the one that divorced them. The things that I talked about….not doing the things you did before you got them? They either stopped doing those things, cheated like a whore (the second one. Yes, I was gone a lot. No Excuse. Yes I was good to her. Yes she was and is a freak. The judge even told her that as a stipulation of the divorce is that she goes to get counseling! VINDICATION! Lol) The first I wont talk about because my kids are on here and I know they wont keep their mouth shut. Love ya girls but that's the way it is. Yer mom and I get along nicely enough, don't need you blabbing stuff to her to make things bad.
Anywho, I just know this one thing. Men who become retarded during a divorce (women too but that's a whole different blog) should be locked up until the papers are signed and finalized. Too many times I hear from friends about how their soon to be ex is being mean (and I have seen it first hand) by becoming abusive, raiding the bank account, sneaking in and taking everything and leaving nothing, messing up the transportation, trying to get her fired. So many other things. Why? Because they are retarded at the moment DIVORCE or SEPARATION is mentioned. Nuff said.
GUYS please represent the brotherhood. Don't be an asshole. Be fair. Be straight up honest. Play fair. If she gets dirty and nasty, just protect yourself. Don't get all crazy. Of course there are times when you have to be tough but doing all that other crap is unnecessary.
WOMEN! (I know I am gonna catch some crap for this) GROW A PAIR! GET SMART! Divorce does NOT mean "Take em for all they are worth!" NEVER EVER think that "No, they would never do that to me". That's what the dickheads want you to think. Protect yourself but be fair and honest. If you think you would not want that done to you then don't do it. Just remember that you both have an equal share in things you had while together. Even if you have kids. Just be reasonable. Of course the kids come first in all decisions. Just don't use them to force decisions. They are your babies, not your tools!
My mantra that I live by.
Never take the other person for granted.
Never assume everything is OK, MAKE IT OK!
Be aware of how the other person is feeling and if confused, ASK!
Never have a single joint account.
Save money for you, save money for the family but keep it separate.
Try to be as fair as possible with everything.
Arguments are only for the make-up sex, not an excuse to yell and scream.
Sex is not something that should only happen at night before bed.
Saying I Love You is not something that only happens during sex.
Little shows of affection are more lasting than a automatic I LOVE YOU TOO.
Trust is a very valuable commodity. Don't abuse it. You will loose it.
Give of yourself freely and you will be given back the same.
Listen. Always listen. The other person does have something to say that matters.
If in doubt, ask. If still in doubt, ask a different way. If still in doubt maybe you aren't listening very well.
Your time doesn't have to be in quantity, just quality.
A sneaky hug, kiss behind the ear a touch on the shoulder means many things.
Especially in public around other men/women. It sends a message that you just cant stop thinking about them, touching them, loving them.
Holding hands, arms around the shoulders, around the waist and wrasslin are all signs of affection. Do it often!
Love, care for and care about that one you are with because you may never know f you might see them again. Then show them daily how you feel.
Good relationships don't happen on their own. It takes practice, patience and daily reminders to do all these things. Don't expect it to just roll along and be great 24/7. It won't and you would be inviting trouble. If you are confused as to what has to be done then go back to the top of this list and read it all over again everyday if you have to.
I am not a relationship expert. I just know what some things are that help happiness grow and what people like because I like these things too. Am I a big sissy? Uh uh….. Like I said, I know what I like and that's it. If you thinks it's not manly to do any of these things then maybe you should look at your relationship (or lack there of) and ask the hard honest questions.
If you are the retarded type the you probably read this and thought how stupid and weak this all is. Then you probably have a woman that is scared to death to try and leave your ass and that also means you have nothing. Just another human being that hates you and is afraid of you. That makes you worthless and empty and should be beat to death with a bail of barbed wire and left in a sewer to fester and die of a massive septic infection.
Thank you and have a nice day!
NEXT!
[21 Jul 2007 Saturday]
13:57 - Just a lil note to those that I don't talk to on a regular basis
Ok. I know this is a dumb place to put a note for people to read so they know whats up with me lately. But it's my blog, my page. Deal with it.
I have been very busy at work. Stress (for the first) is really getting the best of me. If you know me well you know that is like seeing the mountains get up and walk off. Doesn't happen but it is here and now I know I really am NOT superman! What a drag huh?
SO! For those I have ignored, snapped at, been short with, brushed off or been a complete jerk with I am sorry. Wont make any excuses except to say read back up a few more lines and start over.
I am just a few seconds away from just getting rid of all this internet blogs, myspace etc. etc. Getting to be a bother since there are some people that think they are in control of me and my internet activity. If they read this and get upset then that's too bad.
I have told MANY PEOPLE OVER AND OVER AGAIN STOP PUTTING GRAPHICS AND INAPPROPRIATE THINGS FOR COMMENTS ON MY MYSPACE AND SOME PEOPLE ARE NOT LISTENING. STOP USING WORDS AND PHRASES I HAVE ALREADY SAID NOT TO USE. UNLESS YOU ARE FAMILY I DO NOT WANT ANY THING SAID ON MYPAGE BECAUSE I WANT IT TO BE CLEAN AND "STERILE" IT IS NOT A PLACE FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN PEOPLE AND FRIENDS AND FAMILY. Next time I see a comment for approval with anything I mentioned as inappropriate I will just take you off my friends list and be done with it.
NO MORE WARNINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I feel better. I am working my backside off and it's fine.
Been to the dentist to have a wisdom tooth pulled. It was a whopper too. more than a half inch across and an inch tall. 4 roots with one more that was more a nub than a root. Still getting over the abuse (not really) the dentist put me through....lol
I am sorry for not being on MySpace much. I just get so tied up with other things that internet time is last on my list and when I do I just pop in to see if anything needs some tending to and get email. Then I am off again.
So, I have to at least act like I am busy today but we are slow and not much going on here.
Have to get back with you all later and I hope your weekend is awesome!
[15 Jul 2007 Sunday]
08:51 - Yep, I see dead people
Got your attention?
Good.
Anywho, I have been fine. Busy. Staying ahead of things as best as I can. Still here in Ohio but those of you that know me you know my deal and why.
Got a lil surprise from my ex wife and as she put it, The Wicked Witch from the West. Shes not that bad but she can be if she wants to be. Kinda funny since she used a friends myspace to leave me a message and I was going to delete it but was curious as to who "Gary" was...lol For an "EX" she is cool about stuff and it made me smile to know that she, of all people, would actually use MySpace at all, friends account or not...LMAO!
HIYA SHELLIE....LMAO!
Anywho..........
It's been raining last night.
I know I will be chewed out for this by some family but I rode my bike to the movies last night. I had to get out of the hotel. Was going stir crazy. Saw Transformers. I LOVED IT! But when I got out it was raining so I rode the bike in the rain. Ok, I am counting off the seconds for the kids to start getting on my butt for that one....lol
Anyhow, I enjoyed my "parole" from boredom and free time from the hotel room so it is worth it.
Just to let everyone know I am doing fine and that I will try and blog more now that my headaches are diminishing and may be gone all together if things worked out all right.
CIAO!
[08 Jul 2007 Sunday]
18:03 - Ok, still in a bit of a mood....
Ok, I hate to admit this but I am in a dark mood.
I am sorry but that's it.
If anyone is offended, so what. I will get over it and so should you. I may have said somethings in my last blog that I shouldn't have or maybe worded differently but that is what I was feeling at the time. I wont take it back because it's a mood thing.
For now I just feel like being alone. Don't bother me kinda mood.
I know there are people that love me and want to be there for me but a mood is a mood. It's mine and only I can deal with it. It will go away.
matter of fact today was kinda twisted. Had the day off early, getting things done and a phone call kinda sent me into a spiral. maybe I am in need of some quiet time alone in the woods but for now I have Cleveland...yeah, Cleveland.....
Anywho, don't be afraid...it's a passing thing. i will get over it.
PLEASE do not respond with words of wisdom. I know it already and that's just me.
It would be a bit mean of me to say that I am being selfish and absurd and stand offish. but I don't care to hear anything anyone has to say and if that bothers you I am sorry but that's the way I feel right now.
Ill get over it faster than you can I bet.
Have a nice day!
16:49 - Just some thoughts.
(just a side bar, I am not angry. I am not anything. Just a whole bunch of things came to mind about something someone said to me. I made a booboo on my myspace and I had to fix it. They contacted me and told me the mistake I had made. I fixed it. But then afterwords a lot of things came to mind. These are some of those thoughts. Read them. If you are upset by them, angered or made very nervous then maybe you don't need to be reading anything I write. I don't care who you are. Family or friends if you are left feeling ANY thing discomforting or anything then maybe you don't need to be on my page anymore. Family or not I wouldn't want the drama anything I write about to be a factor in my life. LEAVE THE DRAMA ALONE!)
Ok, I have been here in the MYSPACE place for a while and I don't like some things that come of them.
Sometimes people get a little up set by what others put on their MySpace. Yeah some things can be upsetting and I totally understand that.
There are things I would love to say and do on this myspace page but too many people would get upset, bothered or just get kooky about it. Some may even just go crazy with questions.
There is also a point in which I am just going to say that if something bothers you on my page then don't read it or come back to it. There will even be people that will read this and get all upset and be angry or disturbed about it. So WHAT!
This is me. Somethings I have done to my page were more by accident and some things just didn't come out the way I wanted them to. Ok, My bad, I'm sorry.
But from now on if there is some thing, some one or what ever that bothers you and makes you feel uncomfortable and you haven't read this and it makes you anything but laughing then I am sorry, maybe you dont need to be on my myspace page.
I have friends on here that I am close with and some that I am not but still talk to. If my myspace page is going to be used a a background checker for someone then you definitely do not belong on my page. If you come here to try and decipher who I am, haven't figured it out yet by talking to me then maybe you don't belong here or in my life. That is, if you need to scour my myspace for info on me.
If you think I am an asshole, then welcome to the club. I have hundreds of people that think of me that way every day and you certainly wont be the last.
I am simple. I like to laugh, have a good time no matter what. I write goofy things. I have people around me that like me (or so I hope they do) and I like it that way. But if there is ever anything that makes you think twice about who I am then you really haven't gotten to know me. I am going to open my comments page back up in a few days. Then I will open up my friends list. Then I will open my pictures list. If you by chance are intimidated, insulted, infuriated or just plain disturbed (which there ARE NOT any disturbing pictures in there) then maybe it's better if you leave. If you scour my stuff and are affected in anyway, start scoping out any of my friends or my family then you should leave.
I will not tolerate any comments on my page that deal with anything but funny, friendly, family or the like. I don't want my page to be a place for declarations of love (unless it's family) hate, disgust or anything like that.
Why? I HAVE FAMILY AND MY KIDS ON MY PAGE......DEAL WITH IT.
If I take a photo down or don't put one up then I am doing so at my discretion. Don't ask me about it because I will just tell you, "Because I can" and if that makes you mad....so sorry....
If you are mad that I would even think of being this much of an asshole.....so what?
I have said before. I hate drama. I refuse to get involved in it. If you want to bring your drama to my page then expect it to be sent away and you to be removed.
If you bring it to any friends or family then you might as well just write this all off as a learning experience for the next person you become friends with.
No, this isn't about a certain person or people. This is for everyone that may come to my page.
It's easy to see. Easy to understand.
DEAL WITH IT OR WALK AWAY
Your choice. Ill be waiting.....
[22 Jun 2007 Friday]
06:41 - Just something to say.
Ok, my daughters have a myspace account and I think it'll be fun. We can have a great time making fun of each other or posting comments about pics, etc. etc. Just have to figure out the older guys on my youngest ones page. lol Gonna leave them some very interesting info. Maybe they will get an idea that horkin at my girls isn't a good idea. lol
Anywho, gonna be doing a lot of overtime I think in the next few weeks. Project here is coming to an end and the contractor is itching to get it done. Don't blame him as I am ready to shake the dust of this job off me and move on. Too long here in Ohio.
Still working on my laptop. Truck is back on the road. Tranny cost me a small fortune and set me back on my budget but oh well. The cost of having crap break on ya.
Ok, real tired right now.
Going to bed!
don't follow me.
HEY! I said don't follow!
Awe, .....ok, c'mon.....
PSYCH!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!
[21 Jun 2007 Thursday]
21:38 - Sunday...again
Sunday, June 10, 2007
So, it's Sunday today and again...
I am at work. Usual thing. Just today is sunny and warm. Great day for riding and hopefully I can get out of here early enough to ride.
Going to take the contractor getting his act together enough for anyone to get out early. Don't expect that but a guy can dream huh?
Been doing some thinking and that's a dangerous thing...lol
I want to settle down sometime soon. I love to travel. I like to see things and go places. Meet people from different communities to learn how they live. But it's getting to the point where I want some place I can always be and come home to after a good days work. I like having months off. Makes it easier to do what I like to do but maybe having my own business is sounding better and better all the time.
Make it successful and let someone else manage it so I can reap the rewards? Sounds like a plan.
Maybe I can find a millionaire old woman that needs a boy toy...LMAO! Oh that's rich...pardon the pun.
So, who wants to go Karaoke with me this Thursday? That's what I want to do. Don't know if the NBA is going to ruin that again so just might do karaoke in my hotel room..lol Am sure the people up stares will love that.
Am planning to take a few days off soon too. Just get some things done. Get back in balance and let the job wash off me for a bit. Shake the dust of the year and refresh.
Still working on the classes. Kinda getting bored with them but I started it and that means I need to finish. Hate leaving things undone.
Ok, gonnna get back to...ummm, work? lol Yeah that's what it's called!
CIAO
Sometimes shame can make you do things you don't want to do.
To get over this I will not post about it anymore.
Keeps dragging me back.
[10 Nov 2007 Saturday]
09:21 - This is where I have been, and where I am now
I had been with someone for a while. The joy of being with her was something I cant even begin to explain. The way she loved me was so intense and wild it swallowed me whole and held me in a place I had always dreamed of.
The way I felt as a man made life so incredible. The joy of teaching her new things. So many things she had never experienced. Watching her grow into the woman she had always been but had never been allowed to be. At 36 she had just never known that love and affection, tenderness and wild free passion of the heart mind and should were real and she never knew she could have those things. The acceptance of her flaws and the acceptance of her lack of experience in the world and in a real and loving relationship.
The things that had always been out of my reach from relationships were the things she gave me. Allowed me to be me and express everything that I was. Allowed me to have pain with out shame. The touch of her hand and the softness in her voice. The gentleness in her eyes. Those things were so intoxicating.
The dreams and plans were the ones that made me motivated to settle in and have a life that had no more traveling for work. They were what I had wanted but with her they were going to be possible and they were real.
The lack of concern for trouble and pain while I was with her made the world seem like I could take it on and walk away with out a scratch.
I would have taken on all of hell with w squirt gun and a grin on my face for her and out future.
Then, literally, over night it all changed.
After talking a few hours on the phone when I got back to my home the next morning she had closed me out. Shut me out so completely. A few days later with the help of a mutual friend we started to communicate again. I had been given no reason. She never would. And she limited the conversations, when and how. Never a reason.
The a few days later it happened again. Still no reason. No reason at all. Myself and a lot of people have asked and tried their best to get her to give and answer. A reason. Why. Why do this when everything and everyone was so happy and could see that we were so awesome together. People on the street said it. Her friends even said that they were so happy that we are together because SHE was happier than they had ever seen her. That I was so good for her. That she was beaming because the things she had told them about me were things they wanted in THEIR relationship.
No reason why.
No after she hurt me I allowed her back in and she hurt me again. Then she tried to make it seem as if I had done something wrong. Tried to blame ME without saying a word. By acting hurt and done wrong. All I ever did was work towards bringing things into her life. Showing her love and affection. Showing her that it is a reality to have all that and more once we moved in. Making her feel like she was the most wonderful person in the world. I showed her that she can be loved like she had always wanted. That she IS beautiful. That she IS sexy. That She IS a special lady that does deserve the joy, happiness, consideration and respect that I gave her and that she should always have.
But I guess that was my mistake? Or was it the time apart until she was done with her divorce? Was it the whispers of another? Was it the divorce it's self? Was it that she couldn't handle what was being given to her without expectation? was it? was it..... was it.... what! What is it? I asked. I begged. I pleaded. Yet she wouldn't tell me anything.
I let her hurt me twice. I still hurt. But she is the one losing out now. She is the one alone. She is the one that is going to miss everything she had with me. All the things that she got from me she cant get from anyone else.
The funny thing is....
Even though I feel so sick with the hurt that I can stand up, hold my head high and say that she hurt me twice, I allowed that. But I never hurt her. I could devastate her world with a single phone call and the sending of a few files. But the best thing is that I wont. I cant. Even if I really wanted to. I was told I should. That she deserves it. But that is so far away from ME that I would be lost and that's not gonna happen.
I am going to move on and here is what I know for certain: although I still care for her and still remember the best of our relationship which was from the first day I ever talked to her to the last time I talked to her on the phone. After that doesn't exist for me.
I will remember what I have forgotten. Other people CANNOT make you happy or sad. YOU have to allow them to do that. And I am not going to allow it.
That's where I am now. Smarter. Cautious, walls are up and the trust is down but I can still stand tall knowing that there was absolutely nothing I did. Knowing that her world is so much less with me not in it that she will be miserable. But I wont be. I cant be and I wont allow it.
This where I am now.
[17 Sep 2007 Monday]
20:36 - A New Profile Look
If you haven't noticed I put up a new profile look. It doesn't fit me as a whole but it fits my mood right now.
The sun I so huge. So powerful. Exerting enormous pull on so many planets and space debris that it is the center of a solar system. It's raging hydrogen fires on it's surface is thousands of degrees and a single flare can travel all the way to earth and can effect the very nature of our atmosphere. And it is so far away. Hundreds of thousands of miles away. HEAVY STUFF COMING!
The moon. Subtle. Beautiful. Man has walked on it. Just a few days travel away and that's by old out dated equipment. It's effect on us is there and very important. From the tidal changes to the protection from space debris. It cant send cosmic rays at us. It cant burn us. We have walked it's surface. Very unassuming hunk of rock. But in the profile image it seems HUGE!
Like problems and people. Especially if you let them get to you. They are small. Unassuming minor irritants that some day will come back and get you. They don't cause any trouble now. But give them time without being dealt with and your in deep doo doo without a paddle. They can end up ballooning up like the moon appears over the sun.
People are the same. 2 ways
1: Shy, quiet people. They go about their day. Not bothering anyone. But they are full of the same emotions, feelings and strengths, fears and such as you and me. But let them an inch into your life and they become so large in your life. Girlfriend that you never knew you needed. (like Shell and I) They show you and give you so much that you sometimes wake up weeping because you feel so much love for that person that it actually hurts.
2: Mean people. Hard nosed mean people. You think everything is good. It's all fine and you have an understanding. Then they show up one day and clobber you. Just when you think all is under control. For what ever reason. They are larger than life and demand so much of your attention that you are overwhelmed by the evil that comes from them. They haunt your thoughts. Fill your mind with confusion. Out of control and very tiring.
I see people like that every day. Good people. Bad people. Some stuck in between and some stuck on stupid. Some are just trying to make it and some are just trying to sneak through it. Get through life like it's a battle for survival in the death lands of a scifi movie. Let them get into that reality and they will crumble. I have never done that but I know that some people would be better suited to survival like that. Only because they are making it by with hard work and determination. Try and cheat through life and life cheats you back.
I have deleted some of the people that were on my friends list. Some may not make it back because they never communicated with me on myspace. I knew everyone of them in some way. Chatting on line, talked to on the phone once in a while. Met in person. I have more family on there than anything else. I am down to a few people. That's fine with me.
I will leave it like this for a while.
I used to be happy to add people every now and then. Liked it when people read my blogs. Now...I dunno.
I have a woman that I am so in love with that it makes my heart tighten when I think of her. I feel no need to even have a blog but I like to write my feelings down. Just her and some family are the only ones that can see me now and that's fine with me.
Anyhow I am done writing.
Bye
[07 Sep 2007 Friday]
22:47 - It’s just that...
the people I work with or work for can be idiots.
On the bridge I am working on they finally heard our voices. We have been reporting on and taking pictures of and complaining about the same areas that are rusted out ruined steel. Today they finally had to do something about it. The local paper here was on site taking pics of the messed up areas. Then about 6million state engineers were on site. Then some bridge construction company was on site.
Figuring out the best way to fix the bridge. Great. I am ECSTATIC about that. Wish they could have come sooner when the steel had been blasted clean and can see all the damage first hand in it's clean raw state.
Oh well at least they are going to do something about it.
They closed down 2 of the 3 lanes which is a good choice. It can still be used but in a limited manor. That's fine.
Just glad it's going to be fixed.
On to other things.
I guess.
Yer still here?
Don't you have something to do?
Like wash your hair.....or something?
GO AWAY!
SCRAM!
whew, thought they would never leave.
AHHHH! I thought you left!
geez you guys cant leave me alone. what am I? cheap entertainment?
[06 Sep 2007 Thursday]
21:41 - It seems that I have....
Gotten some people very mad by finding someone to love and love me back.
I don't care. I deserve this no matter what ANY one says.
I will have happiness in my life and there is nothing anyone can, should or will do about it.
Anyhow, I am not going to let this bother me. I am happy and that's that.
[05 Sep 2007 Wednesday]
21:34 - I do believe I found her!
Ok, in a blog I posted a while back I said that I wanted to find a woman that could make me feel her all the time. A woman that could make me feel her lips, finger tips and spirit touching my soul. A woman that could make me flinch and start smiling like a big goof ball when she walks into the room.
I wanted a woman that is strong, funny, spirited and silly. Beautiful, sexy, sensuous and sweet.
A woman that could keep up with me and a woman that shows me things and gives me the things that I didn't know I needed from a woman.
A woman that can captivate me but not control me. Someone that lets me be who I am and respects and appreciates that. Someone that can run with the bulls one minute and then take my arm on a night out on the town. Be soft and gentle and a hard ass when it's appropriate.
Someone that cares, loves, is compassionate and practices tough love correctly. A woman that can look me in the eye and tell me the truth, hold up an agreement and admit it if she cant or wont because it isn't right.
A woman that can sit on the back of my mind and make me feel good about how I feel when I am near her.
Makes my heart beat faster every time I see her no matter how many time I see her.
Excited about hearing her call me. Reach for her in my sleep when she whispers my name.
Patient and considerate.
Man I could go on for a long time!
But I have found her. Or we found each other.
Someone that I am willing to move for. She has made me see a reason to do what I do, and see that it's time for me to stop running around the world and settle into more of a home based work routine. Encourages me to do what makes me feel happy but I feel the need to settle down. I have a woman that shook my world and when the dust settled I saw light and heard soft music. I saw her there smiling at me and the invitation in her eyes to be with her for as long as we are destined to be in this world.
All I know is this. I am in love.
I know that I am IN love. And I love her. What she has brought into my life is like a gift that I cannot top.
I love you
[31 Aug 2007 Friday]
08:52 - Yeah yeah yeah...uh huh
So, where have I been?
Read that last blog?
There ya go.
This job here is going to be a lot quieter. Starting to wind down too. The last blast was a day or so ago. Yep... The contractor is still being foolish, heard headed and down right crooked. Even more so now that the job is nearly done. Still trying to get some work lined up for next year. Going to have to watch the pennies so much more than usual!
I am going to be steppin and fetchin this winter. Have lots of classes to take and many many things to get done before I make that move for next year.
I still have that dang boat to get finished and out on the water. The electrical is what is making it so hard. The other stuff is easy though. The carpeting, the side panels and the interior of the cabin. Just manual labor with little left for creativity. The ideas are already there. The demolishing of the crappy carpeting on the ceiling and the upholstering is all that's left before installing the new stuff. I have thought about some changes to the original plan. Will cut out a step but it just doesn't make sense to rebuild the cabinites. They are fine where they are and the storage and coolers that will be used on board most of the time will provide all the storage I need for later. When I get more work done that can be seen I will definitely post pics.
Other wise gotta run. Have some attitude to adjust on the bridge.
CIAO!
[17 Aug 2007 Friday]
00:27 - So, where have I been?
For some, you all know why I haven't been on here in a while. For the others...
I have been busy. REALLY busy.
Both in my personal life and professional life. Somethings have changed and they are fantastic.
Of course some things aren't. Like the job. The contractor is a little bit of a crook in my opinion (just in case anyone from the job sees this they cant say I was making a direct statement and if they try to raise a stink then they can suck my left nut. Truth hurts?) Crooked as a broke back snake! (in my opinion)
So, I encountered something that I wasn't ready for. Trust. Deep down do it or don't trust. Should I stay or should I go now (Clash, 1983) I am staying. I am playing this one out till the end and I don't have any regrets. There are some weird feelings going on and I know that there might be some people that will read this and have mixed emotions. Some will be angry (don't know why but there is a few in every bunch) some will say I am an idiot. Some will say that if I do this thing I will be setting myself up for another fall. SO I say SO WHAT? ya cant learn to walk if you are always too scared you might fall down. Yeah I know what happened that last time I let myself trust. That's ok because I will never get the life I want if I don't trust. If I get a heart ache over it then fine. Another battle scar. But I don't think this is the same as the others. Not by a long shot. Hell this one could be the one I needed.
I have made some changes to my truck (expedition) that are doing good. Better gas mileage and such is the result.
This winter I will be taking more classes so I can get work in more places. Ohio is a drag. It's killing me. Literally.
I cant wait to get done with this old pain in the butt job. I hate this place and that's something I don't usually say about a project. But it's true!
Ok, more later as I am tired and worn out.
CIAO!
[23 Jul 2007 Monday]
13:34 - People!
There is an issue that drives me nuts.
Men that cant take rejection. Divorce. Uh huh. Weak men that cannot take divorce and all of it's nuances.
I have been divorced twice. Although I was the one that initiated the process I still never did the things I see these other men doing. Stalking their soon to be ex's. Harassing them. Causing problems and stress. Using the kids (if there are any) as a weapon or some kind of tool. INSANE!
TAKE IT LIKE A MAN
BE A MAN!
If the woman is no longer interested in being with you TAKE the hint. Don't think that being a crying little bitch that she will take you back. Stop doing childish things that would make anyone look at you and shake their heads in pity. Shameful.
Why do all that? Aren't you an adult? Why act like a little kid? Don't you have the balls to admit that maybe YOU did something wrong? That she isn't leaving you over another man or for something better? Maybe you had been ignoring the warning signs because you aren't man enough to believe that you could be slacking in one or more things and that you were in denial?
Yes I have to admit that there are times when another man is there. Or that sometimes there are women that just aren't marriage material because they will always be unfaithful or the type that cannot stay faithful. Maybe they are the sexually abused type that have a thing in their head that since they are already soiled by whoever that there is nothing left to do but just stay that way by others. Or maybe they have no love left in their heart?
Or maybe the man is an abusive asshole. Doesn't matter what type of abuse. Abuse is abuse. And the woman just cant and wont take it anymore. Let her go. Why continue being a controlling abusive fuck face? You don't feel like a man if you don't? Were you treated that way growing up and don't know any other way? WRONG! You are an adult so act like one. You KNOW right from wrong. Cant admit you are weak? NO EXCUSE! Cant take the fact you are not wanted by the woman you still "love"? WHAT TYPE OF RETARD ARE YOU! Obviously you are a weak, ignorant fuck and don't DESERVE the woman that is leaving you. And just because you are being left….it probably isn't for another man. It's to get away from YOU.
Ok, All men that are out there (I know that maybe 5 guys might read this) should think about this.
You are not all that you think you are unless you can make your woman smile, make her laugh and make her eyes sparkle when she thinks of you. All the things you did that made her like you and love you, you should do EVERY DAY. Don't stop after you finally win her over or it will be YOU that is over. Get it? GET IT!!
Ok, you mat ask why a 2 time divorcee is talking all this crap? Remember, I am the one that divorced them. The things that I talked about….not doing the things you did before you got them? They either stopped doing those things, cheated like a whore (the second one. Yes, I was gone a lot. No Excuse. Yes I was good to her. Yes she was and is a freak. The judge even told her that as a stipulation of the divorce is that she goes to get counseling! VINDICATION! Lol) The first I wont talk about because my kids are on here and I know they wont keep their mouth shut. Love ya girls but that's the way it is. Yer mom and I get along nicely enough, don't need you blabbing stuff to her to make things bad.
Anywho, I just know this one thing. Men who become retarded during a divorce (women too but that's a whole different blog) should be locked up until the papers are signed and finalized. Too many times I hear from friends about how their soon to be ex is being mean (and I have seen it first hand) by becoming abusive, raiding the bank account, sneaking in and taking everything and leaving nothing, messing up the transportation, trying to get her fired. So many other things. Why? Because they are retarded at the moment DIVORCE or SEPARATION is mentioned. Nuff said.
GUYS please represent the brotherhood. Don't be an asshole. Be fair. Be straight up honest. Play fair. If she gets dirty and nasty, just protect yourself. Don't get all crazy. Of course there are times when you have to be tough but doing all that other crap is unnecessary.
WOMEN! (I know I am gonna catch some crap for this) GROW A PAIR! GET SMART! Divorce does NOT mean "Take em for all they are worth!" NEVER EVER think that "No, they would never do that to me". That's what the dickheads want you to think. Protect yourself but be fair and honest. If you think you would not want that done to you then don't do it. Just remember that you both have an equal share in things you had while together. Even if you have kids. Just be reasonable. Of course the kids come first in all decisions. Just don't use them to force decisions. They are your babies, not your tools!
My mantra that I live by.
Never take the other person for granted.
Never assume everything is OK, MAKE IT OK!
Be aware of how the other person is feeling and if confused, ASK!
Never have a single joint account.
Save money for you, save money for the family but keep it separate.
Try to be as fair as possible with everything.
Arguments are only for the make-up sex, not an excuse to yell and scream.
Sex is not something that should only happen at night before bed.
Saying I Love You is not something that only happens during sex.
Little shows of affection are more lasting than a automatic I LOVE YOU TOO.
Trust is a very valuable commodity. Don't abuse it. You will loose it.
Give of yourself freely and you will be given back the same.
Listen. Always listen. The other person does have something to say that matters.
If in doubt, ask. If still in doubt, ask a different way. If still in doubt maybe you aren't listening very well.
Your time doesn't have to be in quantity, just quality.
A sneaky hug, kiss behind the ear a touch on the shoulder means many things.
Especially in public around other men/women. It sends a message that you just cant stop thinking about them, touching them, loving them.
Holding hands, arms around the shoulders, around the waist and wrasslin are all signs of affection. Do it often!
Love, care for and care about that one you are with because you may never know f you might see them again. Then show them daily how you feel.
Good relationships don't happen on their own. It takes practice, patience and daily reminders to do all these things. Don't expect it to just roll along and be great 24/7. It won't and you would be inviting trouble. If you are confused as to what has to be done then go back to the top of this list and read it all over again everyday if you have to.
I am not a relationship expert. I just know what some things are that help happiness grow and what people like because I like these things too. Am I a big sissy? Uh uh….. Like I said, I know what I like and that's it. If you thinks it's not manly to do any of these things then maybe you should look at your relationship (or lack there of) and ask the hard honest questions.
If you are the retarded type the you probably read this and thought how stupid and weak this all is. Then you probably have a woman that is scared to death to try and leave your ass and that also means you have nothing. Just another human being that hates you and is afraid of you. That makes you worthless and empty and should be beat to death with a bail of barbed wire and left in a sewer to fester and die of a massive septic infection.
Thank you and have a nice day!
NEXT!
[21 Jul 2007 Saturday]
13:57 - Just a lil note to those that I don't talk to on a regular basis
Ok. I know this is a dumb place to put a note for people to read so they know whats up with me lately. But it's my blog, my page. Deal with it.
I have been very busy at work. Stress (for the first) is really getting the best of me. If you know me well you know that is like seeing the mountains get up and walk off. Doesn't happen but it is here and now I know I really am NOT superman! What a drag huh?
SO! For those I have ignored, snapped at, been short with, brushed off or been a complete jerk with I am sorry. Wont make any excuses except to say read back up a few more lines and start over.
I am just a few seconds away from just getting rid of all this internet blogs, myspace etc. etc. Getting to be a bother since there are some people that think they are in control of me and my internet activity. If they read this and get upset then that's too bad.
I have told MANY PEOPLE OVER AND OVER AGAIN STOP PUTTING GRAPHICS AND INAPPROPRIATE THINGS FOR COMMENTS ON MY MYSPACE AND SOME PEOPLE ARE NOT LISTENING. STOP USING WORDS AND PHRASES I HAVE ALREADY SAID NOT TO USE. UNLESS YOU ARE FAMILY I DO NOT WANT ANY THING SAID ON MYPAGE BECAUSE I WANT IT TO BE CLEAN AND "STERILE" IT IS NOT A PLACE FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN PEOPLE AND FRIENDS AND FAMILY. Next time I see a comment for approval with anything I mentioned as inappropriate I will just take you off my friends list and be done with it.
NO MORE WARNINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I feel better. I am working my backside off and it's fine.
Been to the dentist to have a wisdom tooth pulled. It was a whopper too. more than a half inch across and an inch tall. 4 roots with one more that was more a nub than a root. Still getting over the abuse (not really) the dentist put me through....lol
I am sorry for not being on MySpace much. I just get so tied up with other things that internet time is last on my list and when I do I just pop in to see if anything needs some tending to and get email. Then I am off again.
So, I have to at least act like I am busy today but we are slow and not much going on here.
Have to get back with you all later and I hope your weekend is awesome!
[15 Jul 2007 Sunday]
08:51 - Yep, I see dead people
Got your attention?
Good.
Anywho, I have been fine. Busy. Staying ahead of things as best as I can. Still here in Ohio but those of you that know me you know my deal and why.
Got a lil surprise from my ex wife and as she put it, The Wicked Witch from the West. Shes not that bad but she can be if she wants to be. Kinda funny since she used a friends myspace to leave me a message and I was going to delete it but was curious as to who "Gary" was...lol For an "EX" she is cool about stuff and it made me smile to know that she, of all people, would actually use MySpace at all, friends account or not...LMAO!
HIYA SHELLIE....LMAO!
Anywho..........
It's been raining last night.
I know I will be chewed out for this by some family but I rode my bike to the movies last night. I had to get out of the hotel. Was going stir crazy. Saw Transformers. I LOVED IT! But when I got out it was raining so I rode the bike in the rain. Ok, I am counting off the seconds for the kids to start getting on my butt for that one....lol
Anyhow, I enjoyed my "parole" from boredom and free time from the hotel room so it is worth it.
Just to let everyone know I am doing fine and that I will try and blog more now that my headaches are diminishing and may be gone all together if things worked out all right.
CIAO!
[08 Jul 2007 Sunday]
18:03 - Ok, still in a bit of a mood....
Ok, I hate to admit this but I am in a dark mood.
I am sorry but that's it.
If anyone is offended, so what. I will get over it and so should you. I may have said somethings in my last blog that I shouldn't have or maybe worded differently but that is what I was feeling at the time. I wont take it back because it's a mood thing.
For now I just feel like being alone. Don't bother me kinda mood.
I know there are people that love me and want to be there for me but a mood is a mood. It's mine and only I can deal with it. It will go away.
matter of fact today was kinda twisted. Had the day off early, getting things done and a phone call kinda sent me into a spiral. maybe I am in need of some quiet time alone in the woods but for now I have Cleveland...yeah, Cleveland.....
Anywho, don't be afraid...it's a passing thing. i will get over it.
PLEASE do not respond with words of wisdom. I know it already and that's just me.
It would be a bit mean of me to say that I am being selfish and absurd and stand offish. but I don't care to hear anything anyone has to say and if that bothers you I am sorry but that's the way I feel right now.
Ill get over it faster than you can I bet.
Have a nice day!
16:49 - Just some thoughts.
(just a side bar, I am not angry. I am not anything. Just a whole bunch of things came to mind about something someone said to me. I made a booboo on my myspace and I had to fix it. They contacted me and told me the mistake I had made. I fixed it. But then afterwords a lot of things came to mind. These are some of those thoughts. Read them. If you are upset by them, angered or made very nervous then maybe you don't need to be reading anything I write. I don't care who you are. Family or friends if you are left feeling ANY thing discomforting or anything then maybe you don't need to be on my page anymore. Family or not I wouldn't want the drama anything I write about to be a factor in my life. LEAVE THE DRAMA ALONE!)
Ok, I have been here in the MYSPACE place for a while and I don't like some things that come of them.
Sometimes people get a little up set by what others put on their MySpace. Yeah some things can be upsetting and I totally understand that.
There are things I would love to say and do on this myspace page but too many people would get upset, bothered or just get kooky about it. Some may even just go crazy with questions.
There is also a point in which I am just going to say that if something bothers you on my page then don't read it or come back to it. There will even be people that will read this and get all upset and be angry or disturbed about it. So WHAT!
This is me. Somethings I have done to my page were more by accident and some things just didn't come out the way I wanted them to. Ok, My bad, I'm sorry.
But from now on if there is some thing, some one or what ever that bothers you and makes you feel uncomfortable and you haven't read this and it makes you anything but laughing then I am sorry, maybe you dont need to be on my myspace page.
I have friends on here that I am close with and some that I am not but still talk to. If my myspace page is going to be used a a background checker for someone then you definitely do not belong on my page. If you come here to try and decipher who I am, haven't figured it out yet by talking to me then maybe you don't belong here or in my life. That is, if you need to scour my myspace for info on me.
If you think I am an asshole, then welcome to the club. I have hundreds of people that think of me that way every day and you certainly wont be the last.
I am simple. I like to laugh, have a good time no matter what. I write goofy things. I have people around me that like me (or so I hope they do) and I like it that way. But if there is ever anything that makes you think twice about who I am then you really haven't gotten to know me. I am going to open my comments page back up in a few days. Then I will open up my friends list. Then I will open my pictures list. If you by chance are intimidated, insulted, infuriated or just plain disturbed (which there ARE NOT any disturbing pictures in there) then maybe it's better if you leave. If you scour my stuff and are affected in anyway, start scoping out any of my friends or my family then you should leave.
I will not tolerate any comments on my page that deal with anything but funny, friendly, family or the like. I don't want my page to be a place for declarations of love (unless it's family) hate, disgust or anything like that.
Why? I HAVE FAMILY AND MY KIDS ON MY PAGE......DEAL WITH IT.
If I take a photo down or don't put one up then I am doing so at my discretion. Don't ask me about it because I will just tell you, "Because I can" and if that makes you mad....so sorry....
If you are mad that I would even think of being this much of an asshole.....so what?
I have said before. I hate drama. I refuse to get involved in it. If you want to bring your drama to my page then expect it to be sent away and you to be removed.
If you bring it to any friends or family then you might as well just write this all off as a learning experience for the next person you become friends with.
No, this isn't about a certain person or people. This is for everyone that may come to my page.
It's easy to see. Easy to understand.
DEAL WITH IT OR WALK AWAY
Your choice. Ill be waiting.....
[22 Jun 2007 Friday]
06:41 - Just something to say.
Ok, my daughters have a myspace account and I think it'll be fun. We can have a great time making fun of each other or posting comments about pics, etc. etc. Just have to figure out the older guys on my youngest ones page. lol Gonna leave them some very interesting info. Maybe they will get an idea that horkin at my girls isn't a good idea. lol
Anywho, gonna be doing a lot of overtime I think in the next few weeks. Project here is coming to an end and the contractor is itching to get it done. Don't blame him as I am ready to shake the dust of this job off me and move on. Too long here in Ohio.
Still working on my laptop. Truck is back on the road. Tranny cost me a small fortune and set me back on my budget but oh well. The cost of having crap break on ya.
Ok, real tired right now.
Going to bed!
don't follow me.
HEY! I said don't follow!
Awe, .....ok, c'mon.....
PSYCH!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!
[21 Jun 2007 Thursday]
21:38 - Sunday...again
Sunday, June 10, 2007
So, it's Sunday today and again...
I am at work. Usual thing. Just today is sunny and warm. Great day for riding and hopefully I can get out of here early enough to ride.
Going to take the contractor getting his act together enough for anyone to get out early. Don't expect that but a guy can dream huh?
Been doing some thinking and that's a dangerous thing...lol
I want to settle down sometime soon. I love to travel. I like to see things and go places. Meet people from different communities to learn how they live. But it's getting to the point where I want some place I can always be and come home to after a good days work. I like having months off. Makes it easier to do what I like to do but maybe having my own business is sounding better and better all the time.
Make it successful and let someone else manage it so I can reap the rewards? Sounds like a plan.
Maybe I can find a millionaire old woman that needs a boy toy...LMAO! Oh that's rich...pardon the pun.
So, who wants to go Karaoke with me this Thursday? That's what I want to do. Don't know if the NBA is going to ruin that again so just might do karaoke in my hotel room..lol Am sure the people up stares will love that.
Am planning to take a few days off soon too. Just get some things done. Get back in balance and let the job wash off me for a bit. Shake the dust of the year and refresh.
Still working on the classes. Kinda getting bored with them but I started it and that means I need to finish. Hate leaving things undone.
Ok, gonnna get back to...ummm, work? lol Yeah that's what it's called!
CIAO
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